Valentine Heart Mending Journey

Mark 12:30

Love the Lord your God with all your heart

with all your soul

and with all your mind

and with all all your strength. ...

Love your neighbor as yourself...

There is no greater commandment

than these.

If ever there was a man that made this his life's goal -

it was my father.

This year of pain, sorrow, and healing has been

quite a journey.

When it comes to my personal journey through this year of searching and healing -

I have learned that I really don't know much. My faith was tested and all my plans and hopes were changed so quickly. I started gaining weight after my broken leg, being disabled, my father's stroke and hospice and then dealing with relatives and the estate. I had to throw myself on God's mercy and beg for guidance and understanding. I started this blog - seeking a way through my disfunctional eating habits and I continue to seek His truth and direction in my life.

I don't know much

- but I know that I love the Lord with all my heart. I am trying to love Him with all my mind but my past, deep scars, and walls of pain get in the way some days. I love God with all the strength in my crippled body. Loving neighbors and dealing with relationships comes last in the commandments Jesus spoke of.... without the first - loving God, I am not capable of loving others.

I am a work in progress but

all I really need to know is

I love the Lord!

Dear Lord, thank you for your loving, guiding hand in my life. I heard someone at the swimming pool say the words - "I don't know much" and all of sudden I remembered an old song. When I have been bedridden these last three weeks, the song comes to mind and I realize as I scream "Why?" ~ that I don't know much. Lord I only see my small world, my short life. Thank you for bringing this song to my mind ~ one that tied into Christ's words to disbelievers. Lord, I am nothing and all my understanding is worthless unless I can follow the greatest commandment - to love You first and forever with my whole being. Please forgive me when I have been so filled with pain and lost in selfishness - that I have nothing to give to you. Help me realize that all you expect from me during that time is to just love You and to hold on until the pain stops. Forgive me when my faith is weak and my dreams for the future get in the way. Thank you for your Son who showed me that I am lovable and worth saving. With this overwhelming gift of grace, love begins as a seed and is growing and scattering light into the dark shadows of my past and lighting a way through numbness - leading to weightloss. Successful eating, excercise - all of it can only be done if I follow your plan for success. It is in the name of Your glorious Son that I come to you today in prayer, Amen.