Heart's Creation

Heart's Creation

Lately my heart has been hurting both physically and emotionally. Tests and MRI results have shown that my heart is relatively healthy and the pain in my chest is caused by nerves being pinched in my spine. Between pain killers and physical therapy I am moving forward but it is four steps forward and three steps back. A great deal of what is wrong with me is due to my own sins; hiding my feelings by eating too much. However, this pain and disability is also caused by my body aging and decaying. Like Job, I contemplate God's nature and His plan...

"Your hands shaped me and made me. Will you now turn and destroy me? Remember that you molded me like clay. Will you now turn me to dust again? Did you not pour me out like milk and curdle me like cheese, clothe me with skin and flesh and knit me together with bones and sinews? You gave me life and showed me kindness, and in your providence watched over my spirit." Job 10:8-12

God's word always helps me find the answers to my musing, the turmoil that spins in my mind while laying in bed wrestling with pain. I wonder if Job and Paul have talked to each other in heaven? Paul gives the answer to all life's questions:

"Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us. You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:1-8

Turning to God and His word always helps me. Writing down these thoughts, this blog is a sort of diary, a travel journal ~ of how God is changing my life. It is a diary filled with human frailty, written my someone carrying too much baggage from the past. Sometimes on days that are too full of pain ~ I go back and read some of the blog entries and it helps to see that He guided me through that day and helped me understand and persevere so that I could live with hope. I see through all the failures ~ that His truth is slowly changing my life and that I am being equipped for the battle ahead. I am also blessed with a network of online Christians that I can go to for inspiration. They share their daily struggles and how God is working in thier lives ~ through Christ.

Lord, I thank you so much for the life you have given me. Forgive me Lord for the time I have spent being selfish and only dealing with my own problems and issues. Give me eyes to see and a heart full of love for the lost and hurting. Guide me toward service that I can do ~ even with my limitations. Remind me daily Lord that my limitations and disabilities; this physical body ~ these things do not define me. They are part of the clay vessel but You are the most important part of my life. Create in me a heart that beats only for You; a clean heart fit for Your service and Your presence. With a heart of longing and praise, I pray this prayer in Christ's name, Amen.

"How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me? Look on me and answer, O LORD my God. Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death; my enemy will say, "I have overcome him," and my foes will rejoice when I fall. But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing to the LORD, for he has been good to me." Psalm 13:2-6

Kenosis vs. Fame

"Think of yourselves the way Christ Jesus thought of himself. He had equal status with God but didn't think so much of himself that he had to cling to the advantages of that status no matter what. Not at all. When the time came, he set aside the privileges of deity and took on the status of a slave, became human! Having become human, he stayed human. It was an incredibly humbling process. He didn't claim special privileges. Instead, he lived a selfless, obedient life and then died a selfless, obedient death—and the worst kind of death at that—a crucifixion. Because of that obedience, God lifted him high and honored him far beyond anyone or anything, ever, so that all created beings in heaven and on earth—even those long ago dead and buried—will bow in worship before this Jesus Christ, and call out in praise that he is the Master of all, to the glorious honor of God the Father. " Philipians 2:5-11

Christ's gift to me can never be matched ~ by anyone, anytime in history. It is the story of God's grace and love for me ~ for everyone who hungers and thirsts for life beyond sin, beyond death. Christ emptied Himself, became man and died for me! Kenosis is the Greek word used by early Christians and Paul. It is the Greek word used in Philipians 2:7. It means self-emptying.

Do I see this very often in everyday life? Not really. But I am always looking for examples of Christ in this world.

Here are two videos about Colt McCoy that demonstrates this "kenosis" in the real world.
(I am not a football fan but can appreciate someone like Colt's faith in the face of the unknown and pain; when peer pressure and media try continually to make you into a hero. Listen what Colt does with his "fifteen minutes of fame").

Lord, I come before you now and ask for your help. I walk in the world, as myself, and I find it difficult to empty myself. I want so much to be Christ-like, or a Christian ~ in the world.

Lord, You are worthy to be praised! The gift of Your Son on the cross is a gift beyond comparing. That He fought death and decay and came from the tomb victorious ~ for my sins ~ is unbelievable! Help my unbelief... Just like He was raised from death to walk a new life ~ I have been raised, redeemed from sin's darkness and shackles ~ to walk a new life. Thank you is such an insignificant phrase for such a glorious gift. Lord, I come before you today ~ hungering and thirsting for your words ~ for the retelling of the Salvation Story; the story of the life, death, burial, and resurrection of the Son of God. With a heart of full of longing and praise, I pray this prayer in Christ's name, Amen.

New Cloths for Spring

New Cloths for Spring

Spring is supposed to be a new beginning, a new start ~ freshness in the air after the damp, cold air of winter. For me, Spring has meant increased pain and more tests; MRIs, blood work ~ all adding up to medical bills totaling over $60,000 in 30 days. As I have shared before, my past "pain killer" or escape from emotional and physical pain has always been food, especially chocolate. I have been unable to swim and when I get out at all, it is usually for less than an hour. But through all of this, God keeps sending me His word through various formats. Even though my weight loss has stalled, I know God wants me to continue the good fight, continue redeeming my body as His temple. That He is changing me from the inside out is amazing; even though the sins of others scarred my body for life and my sins and lack of faith continued that dispair and destruction - - until God started me on this journey, recorded in this blog. Today God sends light to my path of darkness and calls me to a vision filled with hope of eternal life and He wants me to put on New Cloths this Spring:

"You're done with that old life. It's like a filthy set of ill-fitting clothes you've stripped off and put in the fire. Now you're dressed in a new wardrobe. Every item of your new way of life is custom-made by the Creator, with his label on it.... From now on everyone is defined by Christ, everyone is included in Christ. So, chosen by God for this new life of love, dress in the wardrobe God picked out for you: compassion, kindness, humility, quiet strength, discipline. Be even-tempered, content with second place, quick to forgive an offense. Forgive as quickly and completely as the Master forgave you. And regardless of what else you put on, wear love. It's your basic, all-purpose garment. Never be without it. Let the peace of Christ keep you in tune with each other, in step with each other. None of this going off and doing your own thing. And cultivate thankfulness. Let the Word of Christ—the Message—have the run of the house. Give it plenty of room in your lives. Instruct and direct one another using good common sense. And sing, sing your hearts out to God! Let every detail in your lives—words, actions, whatever—be done in the name of the Master, Jesus, thanking God the Father every step of the way." Col. 3:10-17

Here is Tim Lewis talking to other Christians about Col. 3:

Dear Lord, I come before you again today, pleading for your mercy and forgiveness. I give up so easily when I am surrounded by pain. Surround me with Your love ~ my Lord, my God. Help me to remember Christ's sacrifice and wounds. Eternity with You is my goal and my dream. All I really know is that I love you ~ You are my life, my breath. Please help me keep the vision of eternal life with You in front of my mind, my thoughts each minute of each day. Thank you for your word that lights up my life. Lord, there are so many people hurting and dyeing today. Surround them with love and send helpers to them. Bless those that take your message to others, whether it be online, standing in a building or walking the dusty paths in foreign lands. Lord, it is in Your Son's name I pray today, Amen.

Helping me focus on life eternal and transformation ~

Grady King's ending of Sermon "Tears of Hope":

Infinitely Rewarding Task

Infinitely Rewarding Task

God is good! He is providing the Dallas area with a steady, cool spring rain. This has enabled me to surround myself with a heating pad, warm blanket and the Word of God today~Sunday. I would rather be out with other christians, singing His praise but the pain is too great this morning. It is possible that I will be able to get out later. In the mean time I am blessed with the infinitely rewarding task of seeking God. This is my main goal in life ~ my main task. Sometimes this makes life difficult but it is a goal with infinite possibilities and unlimited blessings. God's love for me is endless, His plan for my good is filled with boundlessness!

"Save me! I'm all yours. I look high and low for your words of wisdom.
The wicked lie in ambush to destroy me, but I'm only concerned with your plans for me. I see the limits to everything human,but the horizons can't contain your commands! Oh, how I love all you've revealed; I reverently ponder it all the day long." Psalm 119:94-97

My greatest escape, the most soothing pain relief in my past ~ was always chocolate. Sometimes every breath I take, every spasm of pain calls out for sweets. This method of pain control, this habit is like a wicked beast waiting to ambush me and destroy the new person who God is forming each day. God's words of love, His promises are taking the place of that dreadful habit. The story of Jesus and His love for me helps: that old, old story that is the main thread of the Bible; how I was lost and sinful and God, in His love planned for my salvation through the generations of Abraham. God's promise throughout the ages, through Israel, was a Savior, a King that can rule my heart now, and for eternity. Without Christ ~ there is no hope of salvation.

"I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End. To him who is thirsty I will give to drink without cost from the spring of the water of life" Rev. 21:6

So I will continue reading God's word today, listen to songs praising Him for His boundless, endless, infinite love.

Dear Lord, I cannot fathom Your endless glory, Your boundless love for me! Forgive my blindness, my limited view, my sinful nature and stuborn mind. Everywhere around me the universe sings Your praise but so much of the time I only feel and see my life, my pain. Open my eyes to Your glory and your promises. Thank You for Your guidance today and every day. In my Redeemer's name I pray, Amen.

Let the Rains Begin!

Let the Rains Begin!

Good news always feels like a shower from heaven! Most of my test results are in and they say I have not had a stroke and my cardiac tests came back normal. Deut. 11:13-14 says: "From now on if you listen obediently to the commandments that I am commanding you today, love God, your God, and serve him with everything you have within you, he'll take charge of sending the rain at the right time..."

I am feeling a little better but the pain in my lower back and right hip is still there and it has been there for the last three months. Yesterday I had an MRI taken by a back doctor and I will find out the results next week. I feel like loosing weight has helped so much. I need to ignore the voices from the past that say, "Give up! You have ruined your body and now, no matter what you do, you will die soon." Then the temptation to eat sweets increases because the "what's the use" monster is lurking around every corner of my mind. I have to remind my self that there is hope and joy for the hurting. God promised this again and again in His word. "Don't be sad, because the joy of the Lord will make you strong" Nehemiah 8:10

"If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyed my Father's commands and remain in his love. I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete." John 15:10-12

As Pollyanna said in the Disney movie, "There are 826 happy texts in the Bible".

So today I will focus on those things ~ "I'd say you'll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies." Phil. 4:8-9

Dear Lord, thank you so much for the good news I received from the doctors. Help me realize that I am already dead ~ to sin, to death, to dispair. Help me focus on the new life you give me every day and the hope and joy of life eternal with you. Lord, how can I every praise you enough for this fantastic gift of grace? Your love surrounds me tonight and comforts me. Even if sleep does not come because of pain ~ I thank you for your words that rain comfort on my dry and thristy soul. In Christ's name I pray this prayer, Amen.

"You always show me the path that leads to life. You will fill me with joy when I am with you. You will give me endless pleasures at your right hand." Psalm 16:11