Giant Steps of Faith

Giant Steps of Faith

How can I ever compare my earthly battle with any of the martyrs in the New Testament? And yet - for me the battle is so real, so depressing, and so hard. It is a struggle of life versus death. I know my life was or is not hard compared to others. However, as long as I can remember, death was a dream wished for; an escape prayed for. My early dreams were full of a sweet, dark cave of death where I could hide; where the talking, the brain washing, the overwhelming fear and control of abusers would be silenced forever. For many years (and even recently) I doubted God's existence and His love. Why did he not answer my plea to die at age 8, age 10, age 11, etc.? Through all this despair, all the darkness - God sent light - at just the right time ~ a kind voice of reason, a gently touch from a friend or relative, and therapists who saw beyond the depression to the real problem. I was and am - a work in progress - a broken clay vessel being filled - a building being constructed.

"Take a good hard look at Jesus. He's the centerpiece of everything we believe, faithful in everything God gave him to do. Moses was also faithful, but Jesus gets far more honor. A builder is more valuable than a building any day. Every house has a builder, but the Builder behind them all is God. ... Christ as Son is in charge of the house. Now, if we can only keep a firm grip on this bold confidence, we're the house! ....So watch your step, friends. Make sure there's no evil unbelief lying around that will trip you up and throw you off course, diverting you from the living God." Heb. 3 (various verses)
As a building - I am nothing compared to the builder - Christ. For me it is the hardest thing in the world to tear down the old house, the old self that was built in my childhood and then continued in a disfunctional marriage. It seems impossible to get past the walls plastered with morbid lies, the fearful foundation laid by a parent who could not impart love physically or emotionally. That is why the scriptures above and below help me, encourage me and guide me.

"Anyone who intends to come with me has to let me lead. You're not in the driver's seat—I am. Don't run from suffering; embrace it. Follow me and I'll show you how. Self-help is no help at all. Self-sacrifice is the way, my way, to finding yourself, your true self. " Luke 9:23-24 ~ Message or NIV: "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me".

These scriptures help me see that what is important in my daily struggle - is not the shape of the building but who the builder is. As long as I am stepping out on faith, taking up my cross and following Christ - no one can judge the shape of my building! My building - my life - it might never look "normal" to some people - my faith might look weak and incomplete. But for me getting up in the morning and stepping out of bed is a giant step of faith. It is taking up my cross and fighting the dark thoughts and voices that echo in my brain. Breathing in and out on some days takes a hundred tears but I believe in Christ and I move forward. Those giant steps ~ for me take great faith!

Lord, Thank you for the victory that I have in You! Sometimes I forget how much You have accomplished in my life and I forget to praise You. I can do nothing without you ~ even walk! I am sorry, so sorry that I squelch the joy in my heart by an ungrateful attitude. Lord, so many people are hurting today emotionally and physically. Please give them peace. Oh, Lord, come quickly! However, if that is not to be, help me serve You faithfully with all my strength until You come. Help me reach out to others and serve you daily. In Christ, my Saviors name I pray, Amen.

Heart's Creation

Heart's Creation

Lately my heart has been hurting both physically and emotionally. Tests and MRI results have shown that my heart is relatively healthy and the pain in my chest is caused by nerves being pinched in my spine. Between pain killers and physical therapy I am moving forward but it is four steps forward and three steps back. A great deal of what is wrong with me is due to my own sins; hiding my feelings by eating too much. However, this pain and disability is also caused by my body aging and decaying. Like Job, I contemplate God's nature and His plan...

"Your hands shaped me and made me. Will you now turn and destroy me? Remember that you molded me like clay. Will you now turn me to dust again? Did you not pour me out like milk and curdle me like cheese, clothe me with skin and flesh and knit me together with bones and sinews? You gave me life and showed me kindness, and in your providence watched over my spirit." Job 10:8-12

God's word always helps me find the answers to my musing, the turmoil that spins in my mind while laying in bed wrestling with pain. I wonder if Job and Paul have talked to each other in heaven? Paul gives the answer to all life's questions:

"Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us. You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:1-8

Turning to God and His word always helps me. Writing down these thoughts, this blog is a sort of diary, a travel journal ~ of how God is changing my life. It is a diary filled with human frailty, written my someone carrying too much baggage from the past. Sometimes on days that are too full of pain ~ I go back and read some of the blog entries and it helps to see that He guided me through that day and helped me understand and persevere so that I could live with hope. I see through all the failures ~ that His truth is slowly changing my life and that I am being equipped for the battle ahead. I am also blessed with a network of online Christians that I can go to for inspiration. They share their daily struggles and how God is working in thier lives ~ through Christ.

Lord, I thank you so much for the life you have given me. Forgive me Lord for the time I have spent being selfish and only dealing with my own problems and issues. Give me eyes to see and a heart full of love for the lost and hurting. Guide me toward service that I can do ~ even with my limitations. Remind me daily Lord that my limitations and disabilities; this physical body ~ these things do not define me. They are part of the clay vessel but You are the most important part of my life. Create in me a heart that beats only for You; a clean heart fit for Your service and Your presence. With a heart of longing and praise, I pray this prayer in Christ's name, Amen.

"How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me? Look on me and answer, O LORD my God. Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death; my enemy will say, "I have overcome him," and my foes will rejoice when I fall. But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing to the LORD, for he has been good to me." Psalm 13:2-6

Infinitely Rewarding Task

Infinitely Rewarding Task

God is good! He is providing the Dallas area with a steady, cool spring rain. This has enabled me to surround myself with a heating pad, warm blanket and the Word of God today~Sunday. I would rather be out with other christians, singing His praise but the pain is too great this morning. It is possible that I will be able to get out later. In the mean time I am blessed with the infinitely rewarding task of seeking God. This is my main goal in life ~ my main task. Sometimes this makes life difficult but it is a goal with infinite possibilities and unlimited blessings. God's love for me is endless, His plan for my good is filled with boundlessness!

"Save me! I'm all yours. I look high and low for your words of wisdom.
The wicked lie in ambush to destroy me, but I'm only concerned with your plans for me. I see the limits to everything human,but the horizons can't contain your commands! Oh, how I love all you've revealed; I reverently ponder it all the day long." Psalm 119:94-97

My greatest escape, the most soothing pain relief in my past ~ was always chocolate. Sometimes every breath I take, every spasm of pain calls out for sweets. This method of pain control, this habit is like a wicked beast waiting to ambush me and destroy the new person who God is forming each day. God's words of love, His promises are taking the place of that dreadful habit. The story of Jesus and His love for me helps: that old, old story that is the main thread of the Bible; how I was lost and sinful and God, in His love planned for my salvation through the generations of Abraham. God's promise throughout the ages, through Israel, was a Savior, a King that can rule my heart now, and for eternity. Without Christ ~ there is no hope of salvation.

"I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End. To him who is thirsty I will give to drink without cost from the spring of the water of life" Rev. 21:6

So I will continue reading God's word today, listen to songs praising Him for His boundless, endless, infinite love.

Dear Lord, I cannot fathom Your endless glory, Your boundless love for me! Forgive my blindness, my limited view, my sinful nature and stuborn mind. Everywhere around me the universe sings Your praise but so much of the time I only feel and see my life, my pain. Open my eyes to Your glory and your promises. Thank You for Your guidance today and every day. In my Redeemer's name I pray, Amen.

Let the Rains Begin!

Let the Rains Begin!

Good news always feels like a shower from heaven! Most of my test results are in and they say I have not had a stroke and my cardiac tests came back normal. Deut. 11:13-14 says: "From now on if you listen obediently to the commandments that I am commanding you today, love God, your God, and serve him with everything you have within you, he'll take charge of sending the rain at the right time..."

I am feeling a little better but the pain in my lower back and right hip is still there and it has been there for the last three months. Yesterday I had an MRI taken by a back doctor and I will find out the results next week. I feel like loosing weight has helped so much. I need to ignore the voices from the past that say, "Give up! You have ruined your body and now, no matter what you do, you will die soon." Then the temptation to eat sweets increases because the "what's the use" monster is lurking around every corner of my mind. I have to remind my self that there is hope and joy for the hurting. God promised this again and again in His word. "Don't be sad, because the joy of the Lord will make you strong" Nehemiah 8:10

"If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyed my Father's commands and remain in his love. I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete." John 15:10-12

As Pollyanna said in the Disney movie, "There are 826 happy texts in the Bible".

So today I will focus on those things ~ "I'd say you'll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies." Phil. 4:8-9

Dear Lord, thank you so much for the good news I received from the doctors. Help me realize that I am already dead ~ to sin, to death, to dispair. Help me focus on the new life you give me every day and the hope and joy of life eternal with you. Lord, how can I every praise you enough for this fantastic gift of grace? Your love surrounds me tonight and comforts me. Even if sleep does not come because of pain ~ I thank you for your words that rain comfort on my dry and thristy soul. In Christ's name I pray this prayer, Amen.

"You always show me the path that leads to life. You will fill me with joy when I am with you. You will give me endless pleasures at your right hand." Psalm 16:11

Issues

Issues

Every time I turn on the TV or read a newspaper I am overwhelmed by the anger, frustration, and disgust that is present there. This chaos of voices and endless arguments leaves a stain, a blot on my day. Instead of walking in God's love, peace and hope, the path of politics and issues leads to despair. For many years I just ignored any voice filled with fear and anger, I would not look at anyone with a face constipated with rage. I was raised surrounded with opinionated, judgemental people and I was not going to listen at all!

Then I read a quote by Jack Exum, "Issues come and go. How you handle the issue, is the real issue." Amen!

In John 8, Jesus was surrounded by swarms of people. He was trying to teach them the basics of life ~ what really mattered. "The religion scholars and Pharisees led in a woman who had been caught in an act of adultery. They stood her in plain sight of everyone and said, "Teacher, this woman was caught red-handed in the act of adultery. Moses, in the Law, gives orders to stone such persons. What do you say?.....Jesus bent down and wrote with his finger in the dirt. They kept at him, badgering him. He straightened up and said, "The sinless one among you, go first: Throw the stone. .... Jesus once again addressed them: I am the world's Light. No one who follows me stumbles around in the darkness. I provide plenty of light to live in."

The Pharisees wanted to side track Jesus from his main message of love and forgiveness, of being a servant instead of a master. It is not the issues of our day that should be our focus; healthcare reform, abortion, right versus left, etc. Jesus is pointing to a way past the chaos, beyond the "issue" or all the arguing about laws. The law of love reigns when Jesus, the Light of the world leads the way. All the issues become clearer and anger, arguing, and hatred fall back into the shadows. Love is the answer, for God is love and the first commandments must be followed first: Love God and then love your neighbor.

Paul speaks to Romans and to us today: "If you preach, just preach God's Message, nothing else; if you help, just help, don't take over; if you teach, stick to your teaching; if you give encouraging guidance, be careful that you don't get bossy; if you're put in charge, don't manipulate; if you're called to give aid to people in distress, keep your eyes open and be quick to respond; if you work with the disadvantaged, don't let yourself get irritated with them or depressed by them. Keep a smile on your face. Love from the center of who you are; don't fake it. Run for dear life from evil; hold on for dear life to good. Be good friends who love deeply; practice playing second fiddle. Don't burn out; keep yourselves fueled and aflame. Be alert servants of the Master, cheerfully expectant. Don't quit in hard times; pray all the harder. Help needy Christians; be inventive in hospitality. Bless your enemies; no cursing under your breath. Laugh with your happy friends when they're happy; share tears when they're down. Get along with each other; don't be stuck-up. Make friends with nobodies; don't be the great somebody. " (Romans 12 - The Message)

Dear Lord, I am confused by politics and the chaos and fear that spread more and more each day around me. Since my health is not the best, the healthcare debate is very upsetting and causes me to worry about my future. Lord help me remember that you are in control. Help me focus on voices filled with love and the light of Your grace. I have been blessed to live in a country where I have a voice and a vote. Help me to see past the red faces and raised voices. You cause nations to fall and raise them up. Forgive me when I doubt your mighty hand and loving plan for my life and my country. In Christ, I pray this prayer, Amen.

Firm Foundation

Firm Foundation
Today was a day of doctor visits, specialists in their field. Last night it was hard to sleep, hard to breath in and out. Test results, more tests to take, and more pain seem to be my future. Numbing the fear by eating mindlessly has been my solution most of my life. Changing that behavior is so difficult. For most of my life I have been surrounded by people who base their perceptions, their truths on fear. Their life is based in judging others so that they can feel safe. Truth, love, and forgiveness is not part of their foundation. I pray for them every day but I have to move forward with my life. When it comes to my disfunctional family, I share Paul's wish:

Col. 2:2"I want their hearts to be made cheerful and strong. I want them to be joined together in love. Then their understanding will be rich and complete. "
As for my own personal fears about my health and my future ~ well, I have always dreamed and longed for a "home". Perhaps this is because I was a military kid or perhaps it is because home was never a safe place to exist. Maybe that is why I love the scriptures about "building" a life or making a home. 1 John4:17-18, "God is love. When we take up permanent residence in a life of love, we live in God and God lives in us. This way, love has the run of the house, becomes at home and mature in us, so that we're free of worry on Judgment Day—our standing in the world is identical with Christ's. There is no room in love for fear. Well-formed love banishes fear. Since fear is crippling, a fearful life—fear of death, fear of judgment—is one not yet fully formed in love. (The Message)"

Forming a strong foundation of love for my life is a goal I am working on every day. I have been crippled in more ways than one but when love runs freely throughout my heart, then freedom from worry is around the corner.

Sometimes humor helps to lighten the fear and make a path for the most important message.

Luke 6: 47-49 "These words I speak to you are not mere additions to your life, homeowner improvements to your standard of living. They are foundation words, words to build a life on. If you work the words into your life, you are like a smart carpenter who dug deep and laid the foundation of his house on bedrock. When the river burst its banks and crashed against the house, nothing could shake it; it was built to last. But if you just use my words in Bible studies and don't work them into your life, you are like a dumb carpenter who built a house but skipped the foundation. When the swollen river came crashing in, it collapsed like a house of cards. It was a total loss. (The Message)"

Dear Lord, help me tonight to fall asleep without pain pills and without fear of the future. As the river of pain crashes on me with each breath, please Lord hold me with your hand and let my faith stand strong. I am such a weak person but with Your help, I know I can make it through anything that comes my way. Through Christ's name I pray this prayer, Amen.

Gaither "Rock of Ages" :

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5_ISoPWH5UE

No Small Thing

Life=Risk

Life involves risk. To stay at home and do nothing because you are afraid of the risk, afraid of the pain means living a life that stifles God's sacrifice. I am trying to focus on God's love as I step out into new experiences and new trials. Every time I stand up ~ I am afraid that I will fall down. I have no feeling in my left leg and it is a very insecure feeling to step out hoping that I will not catch my toe on something or trip and fall again. Falling is not an option with all my replacement joints - but staying in bed, afraid, is not an option either! So I step out on faith - literally every day, every step. This film inspires me:

Bearable Vastness of Being

Bearable Vastness of Being

One of my favorite movies is Contact, taken from the novel by Carl Sagan. Ellie is an orphan who believes only what she can prove scientifically. In the end she has an experience that changes her into a person of faith, believing what she cannot prove. In the end she says, ""For small creatures such as we the vastness is bearable only through love" . Some people are afraid of vast places, big sky country, or staring down from high places. I understand these fears. For me it is heights that make my knees weak. Also when I am driving on an interstate and it spreads out to four or five lanes on each side. Perhaps it is the fear of losing control because there are too many lanes and cars to watch. I am not sure. Playing soothing music - such as instrumental hymns helps me slow my heart rate down. I pray for my safety and for the safety of others around me and try to breath and let God be in control. God has given me control of a car but I still have fear. Humans have made so many things to make our labors lighter and faster. Perhaps our fears have to do with putting trust in our own creations or putting trust in ourselves.

I feel the closest to God when I am in big sky country, with the stars spanning the skies - hugging me all around. I guess we all have our times where the vastness is unbearable or times and places where the vastness is not only bearable but peaceful and reassuring.

Psalm 8 says that we have been created to control many things on this earth but I guess the key is to know that it is God who created everything and controls everything ~ and everyone.

"Lord our Lord, your name is the most wonderful name in all the earth!
It brings you praise in heaven above. ....I look at your heavens,
which you made with your fingers. I see the moon and stars,
which you created. But why are people even important to you?
Why do you take care of human beings? You made them a little lower than the angels
and crowned them with glory and honor.
You put them in charge of everything you made. You put all things under their control: all the sheep, the cattle,
and the wild animals, the birds in the sky, the fish in the sea,
and everything that lives under water. Lord our Lord,
your name is the most wonderful name in all the earth! " Psalm 8

Lord God, I am so unworthy to be called your child, your creation. I do not honor your creation sometimes and race forward through the day until I am tired and full of fear. I try to cope by eating, and like a car that is out of control on the interstate - my life once again, feels out of control. The more I get out into the world to do your work, the more I am tempted to do things using my own power and reasoning. This only causes me to fail more. Please Lord, help me to start each task with the goal of glorifying you only. I need your love more than anything else. Thank you for showing me that love in the life, death, and resurrection of your perfect Lamb, your Son. Your name is truly wonderful! Through Jesus name I pray today, Amen.

The Power of Jesus Name

100% Cloud Cover

100% Cloud Cover

Today, once again, I search for the right path, the correct way to behave, the right thing to say. I used to spend so much time thinking about food, dreaming about food, numbing out with food.... There is more time to be "real" now, more time. That is a scary thought! I am reminded of the Israelites that were slaves and then had freedom. What did they do when they had the whole world ahead of them and freedom waiting to be grasp? They wanted to go back into the "security" of slavery. So God gave them something to do. They gathered manna, they got organized, and then they built a place for the presence of God - a place for God to dwell while He was with them.

"Then the cloud covered the Meeting Tent, and the glory of the Lord filled the Holy Tent..... When the cloud rose from the Holy Tent, the Israelites would begin to travel,³⁷ but as long as the cloud stayed on the Holy Tent, they did not travel. They stayed in that place until the cloud rose. ³⁸ So the cloud of the Lord was over the Holy Tent during the day, and there was a fire in the cloud at night. So all the Israelites could see the cloud while they traveled." Exodus 40:24-38

With God as their guide there was no doubt about which path to take or where they would go. They simple had to follow. He was not distant, but an ever-present guide and companion. Their job was to exercise their faith, be patient, and be ready to follow when the cloud lifted. I need to remember that God is the same as yesterday. He has given me His Holy Spirit to guide me on this journey - this new life of freedom and choices. He asks me to trust Him and have faith.

Lord God Almighty, help me to willingly wait for Your timing and to be ready to go at Your command. Lord, help me to hold up Your Son's life as a mirror, as a map. Give me strength for the journey and let Your words be the food that gives me strength each day. Just like the Israelites brought idols with them - hidden away, I have my addiction to food and the voices from abusers ringing in my ears. The addiction slows me down and blocks me from seeing You and the voices from my past lie and spread anger and hate. Help me to be truly free of these things and to look only at Your holy presence. Lord, I can never thank you enough for sending Your Son as a sacrifice, so the veil could be torn and I could freely come, cleansed and forgiven into Your Holy presence. You are worthy to be praised! In Jesus - the High Priest's name, in Christ - my Redeemer's name ~ I plead for Your daily guidance, Amen.

He Is With You

"The eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and His ears are open to their prayers." I Peter 3:11
This is a wonderful song that helped me today. The pain seems unbearable, so I take medication and then feel like a failure, like I can't even breath and walk without getting help. I thank God for his love and the messages of hope and courage that songs like this give. The are inspired by God and His love for us...

Eyes on God

I found Jesus there

I found Jesus there

Here is a story of faith ... ... ...

A surgeon sat beside the boy's bed; the boy's parents sat across from him. "Tomorrow morning," the surgeon began, "I'll open up your heart...".
"You'll find Jesus there," the boy interrupted. The surgeon looked up, annoyed. " I'll cut your heart open," he continued, "to see how much damage has been done...". ....."But when you open up my heart, you'll find Jesus in there," the boy insisted.
The surgeon looked to the parents, who sat quietly. He talked to them as a family directly, "When I see how much damage has been done, I'll sew your heart and chest back up and I'll plan what to do next." The boy tugged on the coat sleeve of the doctor and said, "But you'll find Jesus in my heart. The Bible says He lives there. The hymns all say He lives there. You'll find Him in my heart."

The surgeon had had enough. "I'll tell you what I'll find in your heart. I'll find damaged muscle, low blood supply, and weakened vessels. And I'll find out if I can make you well." The young boy looked at the doctor with serious, faith-filled eyes and said - one last time,"You'll find Jesus there too. He lives there." The surgeon left.

The surgeon sat in his office, recording his notes from the surgery: "...damaged aorta, damaged pulmonary vein, widespread muscle degeneration. No hope for transplant, no hope for cure. Therapy: painkillers and bed rest. Prognosis: " here he paused, "death within one year."
He stopped the recorder, but there was more to be said.
"Why?" he asked aloud. "Why did You do this? You've put him here; You've put him in this pain; and You've cursed him to an early death. Why?"
The Lord answered and said, "The boy, My lamb, was not meant for your flock for long, for he is a part of My flock, and will forever be. Here, in My flock, he will feel no pain, and will be comforted as you cannot imagine. His parents will one day join him here, and they will know peace, and My flock will continue to grow. " The surgeon's tears were hot, but his anger was hotter. "You created that boy, and You created that heart. He'll be dead in months. Why?" The Lord answered quietly, "The boy, My lamb, shall return to My flock, for he has done his duty: I did not put My lamb with your flock to lose him, but to retrieve another lost lamb. " The surgeon wept.

The next day, the surgeon sat beside the boy's bed; the boy's parents sat across from him. The boy awoke and whispered, "Did you cut open my heart?" "Yes," said the surgeon. "What did you find?" asked the boy."

"I found Jesus there," said the surgeon.

-- Author Unknown

Lord God, lead me to the cross every day. Help me to see that without Jesus, without the blood of the Lamb, sin covers my life and soul. Wash me white as snow each day with your light and love. Caste my sins into the deepest part of the ocean. You are worth to be praised! In my Savior's name I pray, Amen.

God in Control

God in Control

"God is in Control", a book and study guide by Dean Hagler has given me several days of deep study. The following is taken from his book and study guide:

The Godhead (God, Christ, and the Holy Spirit) was the only force in the beginning and it will be the only force at Judgement or the end (Rev.23:13). Hagler states that there are certain principles in the word of God that must guide our lives. If I deny one of these principle or truths, then I forfeit or block God as the "driver" and I leave my role as passenger and take control. I think I have the "right of way", the "right take" on the scriptures, the "right" way to do things. I listen to others or follow family traditions instead of just listening to God's written word... .... .... ... ...

Well, I don't want to block God's controll in my life. So here goes! I am just going to list these scriptures and pray over them - because without God being in control of my life - I know I will be lost! For my benefit, as a reminder to myself - I am listing the scriptures in one place so that I can come back to them in times of need - and study them once again:

1. God is the creator of life and He has all rights in regard to what He has created (Gen. 1:1 and following)
2. God created man special and created man in His image or likeness (Gen. 2:7).
3. We can relate to God. We are like Him morally and spiritually. (Gen. 1:27 & Gen.2:8)
4. God is active in the lives of men (Gen. 12:1-4; Rom. 8:28). He intends for things to work for the ultimate good of those who love Him (Gen. 50:19-20).
5. God has a plan for us and has given man direction from the beginning. His plan has different stages. (Gen. 2:15-17).
6. We are responsible for our own actions. God punishes the sinner. (Ezekiel 18:20)
7. God sent His son to pay for our sins. (John 1:1-14). This has always been His plan. (Gen. 3:15; 12:3; Galatians 3:8)
8. All men have sinned and must turn their life around (Romans 3:23). As none of us is righteous, holy, or pure, we must accept God's righteousness (Gal. 3:10-14).
9. God has provided His Spirit as a helper to those that are baptized in His Son's name (Acts 2:38; I Cor. 3:16)

So do I believe all of these scriptures? Do I accept them? Some are easier then others. Number 8 gives me trouble. I look at all the good I have done, at how far I have come....Sometimes I think I'm OK - yeah - I'm fine - I don't really need saving... then the hunger becomes compulsive again and I fail miserably! So once again, I ask God to take control and beg for help.

Number 9 is not easy either. Is baptism really needed? What if there is no water? But the Lord provided water to Philip and Ethiopian eunuch (Acts 8). They went "down into the water". Water? They were traveling the desert road. The words here indicates there was no dipping, sprinkling, - there is no evidence of those kinds of traditions found in the original Greek words that mean "down into the water - or a covering of water". So many people stop at faith only and just don't "do" the baptism thing. Good friends of mine follow their tradition because that is what has been done for years and years. Has their denominations morphed the scriptures? Is baptism the exact point of contact with the blood of the Lamb? Is baptism the beginning of our new life as Christians, our new walk with Christ? (Rom. 6:3-11)

But how can I believe that others who believe in the Lord are not cleansed by his blood and forgiven? ~ How can I believe that millions of believers ~ those who have yet to be baptised but believe in the Lord Jesus Christ - are not yet in contact with His healing, cleansing blood?

And yet baptism is a command in the New Testament - it was how things were done by the first Christians. They used anything deep enough to cover their bodies - anything that they could fill with water. Even as they hid in the catacombs, they found the vessels they needed, hauled in the water and were immersed. Take the tours under the ancient cities and listen to the guides as they point to the first century christians' symbol of the fish that are carved in the huge, deep, stone baptistries of past. Traditions! Traditions!

So today I look at the scriptures again, sigh and cry, and pray for understanding. As for me, right now ~ I am not in control of the Lord's word, or how it is interpreted by others. All I can do is pray for others to let God be in control of their own lives and their own salvation. I pray, like Paul, that everyone might "continue to work out your own salvation, with fear and trembling." Phil. 2:12

I still have a great deal of studying to do on this "list". I do know that I am responsible for my life and my sins. I cannot control others and I am commanded by Christ to not judge others. (Matt. 7:1-2, Luke 6:37) - I want God to be in control of my life. I know I have free will and that I will fail often. As a christian, I believe that Christ's blood continually cleanses me if I continue to walk in the light of God's word. (1 John 1:7)

Lord God, help me and guide me always. Without your control in my life, I would be adrift in a sea of sin and failure. Fill me with your love. Help me to trust you only and not trust in my own understanding of your word and your plan for my life. Let your light and your words guide my life. Please help me to not judge others but to show them the way to Your word so that You can bring them light and life eternal. In Jesus name, Amen.