Firm Foundation

Firm Foundation
Today was a day of doctor visits, specialists in their field. Last night it was hard to sleep, hard to breath in and out. Test results, more tests to take, and more pain seem to be my future. Numbing the fear by eating mindlessly has been my solution most of my life. Changing that behavior is so difficult. For most of my life I have been surrounded by people who base their perceptions, their truths on fear. Their life is based in judging others so that they can feel safe. Truth, love, and forgiveness is not part of their foundation. I pray for them every day but I have to move forward with my life. When it comes to my disfunctional family, I share Paul's wish:

Col. 2:2"I want their hearts to be made cheerful and strong. I want them to be joined together in love. Then their understanding will be rich and complete. "
As for my own personal fears about my health and my future ~ well, I have always dreamed and longed for a "home". Perhaps this is because I was a military kid or perhaps it is because home was never a safe place to exist. Maybe that is why I love the scriptures about "building" a life or making a home. 1 John4:17-18, "God is love. When we take up permanent residence in a life of love, we live in God and God lives in us. This way, love has the run of the house, becomes at home and mature in us, so that we're free of worry on Judgment Day—our standing in the world is identical with Christ's. There is no room in love for fear. Well-formed love banishes fear. Since fear is crippling, a fearful life—fear of death, fear of judgment—is one not yet fully formed in love. (The Message)"

Forming a strong foundation of love for my life is a goal I am working on every day. I have been crippled in more ways than one but when love runs freely throughout my heart, then freedom from worry is around the corner.

Sometimes humor helps to lighten the fear and make a path for the most important message.

Luke 6: 47-49 "These words I speak to you are not mere additions to your life, homeowner improvements to your standard of living. They are foundation words, words to build a life on. If you work the words into your life, you are like a smart carpenter who dug deep and laid the foundation of his house on bedrock. When the river burst its banks and crashed against the house, nothing could shake it; it was built to last. But if you just use my words in Bible studies and don't work them into your life, you are like a dumb carpenter who built a house but skipped the foundation. When the swollen river came crashing in, it collapsed like a house of cards. It was a total loss. (The Message)"

Dear Lord, help me tonight to fall asleep without pain pills and without fear of the future. As the river of pain crashes on me with each breath, please Lord hold me with your hand and let my faith stand strong. I am such a weak person but with Your help, I know I can make it through anything that comes my way. Through Christ's name I pray this prayer, Amen.

Gaither "Rock of Ages" :

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5_ISoPWH5UE

Fix Your Heart Toward Heaven

Fix Your Heart Toward Heaven

"And it came to pass, when the time had come that He should be received up, He steadfastly set His face to go to Jerusalem" Luke 9:51

As a MK (military kid) I knew what it meant to "about face" and "toe the line". When I became a teacher I tried to bring the best part of that experience, that sense of structure and order into the classroom. My students knew the rules, they knew the consequences, they knew I cared about each and every one of them. My prayer every day was that they would learn how to focus on what was important in life: learning to use their God given talents to the glory of the Lord and learn the joy of serving others. With a secure classroom environment, students can spend time focusing on what is important. The power struggles seldom happen because each child is challenged to focus on their personal goals of success. They are rewarded with compliments, good grades, and confidence.

In the passage above Jesus had just held a child and told the disciples that the least would be the greatest. Jesus knew His time was coming near and his steadfast, resolute focus, His face was set to go - to Jerusalem - to His death. One version translates it "he gathered up his courage and steeled himself ".

My focus has recently wavered from the goal: seeking the Lord's answer for my weightloss, feasting on God's word each and every day, "turning a hunger and thirst for love into a spiritual feast that replaces emotional eating habits". So, once again, I gather up my courage and look to "Jerusalem" - I look to the goal of heaven and turn away from my sinful life, my destructive habits, and failure. I am tired of traveling through life looking in the rear view mirror.

Now - as a survivor, I have had a great deal of road kill to deal with in the last few weeks of this journey. I was moving along at a good pace and then found something dragging, dangling, and making noise as I was moving forward. I had to stop and figure out what was slowing me down again, what was causing anger to strip my gears again. It can be discouraging to build up speed and feel joyful and to feel free and then hit a wall of memories or (even more frightening) brand new, positive feelings. New places and experiences can be scary and cause uncertainty. But if I keep my eyes focused on the destination, heavenward ~ I know that I will find the pit stops don't hurt quite as much with each day that I travel toward "Jeruselem".

With God's help I will keep my eyes on the prize - "I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus" Philippians 3:14 Heavenward is a forward gear - not reverse!

Lord, I come before you again today asking for your help. I am having a hard time focusing on the goal - setting my face toward heaven. Please forgive me for getting weighed down again in failure, the pain of the past, and dragging with me the bloody memories of the little girl that was run over by life. Lord, each time a new memory overtakes me, help me to look to Your healing heart and move forward - even though it is so tiring. Anger is my greatest enemy. Lord, I give that anger to You. You are a just and merciful God and I leave judgement in Your hands. Help me to learn to forgive as I was forgiven. ~ In Christ's name I pray, Amen.

Up, Up, and Away!

Day 16 & 17

One of my favorite books is an allegory, Hind's Feet on High Places. "The Lord God is my strength, and He will make my feet like Hind's feet, and He will make me walk upon my high places." Hab. 3:19 (hind = female deer). In the story the main character's name is Much Afraid. She sets out on a journey of growth but is weak and confused a great deal of the time. The Good Shepherd guides her and sends helpers to advise her. Half way through her journey up the mountain, she finds herself lost in a mist of discouragement. She is going around the mountain in circles and doesn't realize it until someone points out that the path she has taken is staying level instead of climbing upward and upward. She has worn herself out traveling that path and she does not think she can take another step or find the path upward. Like always, she is guided to the path but then she must climb. The Shepherd teaches her a song that helps her forget the aching muscles, scratches and bruises. The mist clears and she begins to climb higher again toward the High Places. ..... ..... ....

How does that relate to dieting? Well, there are times when it just seems too hard a path! Or the weight does not fall off for a week or two! You begin to get lost in a mist of discouragement. You begin to remember all the hard work, the nights when thoughts of food clawed at every part of your mind. You feel like shouting - "What's the use!" What can you do when this happens, when you are lost in depression and can't seem to climb the path upward? I don't know the answer for you, but for me music helps a great deal. Reading positive, encouraging scriptures and searching for the truth also helps me find the path upward. Singing and listening to music makes the path bearable. Is it easy? No way! Is it worth it? Absolutely!

Hebrews 12 - "Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is now seated at the right hand of the throne of God. ....Therefore lift your drooping hands and strengthen your weak knees, and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be put out of joint but rather be healed." ..... ..... ..... .....

These verses hold so many messages for me personally. I am in a wheelchair and can do so little, compared to others when it comes to excercize. With God's help, I do what I can to strengthen my drooping body and broken, weak legs. I take one day, one moment at a time and with prayer, I do the best that I can - with the strength given me. Do I pray for healing? Yes! Do I believe He can heal me? Yes! Do I get discouraged when the healing does not happen? Yes! I have learned that a lack of healing sometimes is not a matter of faith but it is about God's timing and my own personal path to High Places. I cannot always see the reasoning through the mist but if I am climbing upward - I know heaven is around the corner!

Lord, thank you for being my ever present guide on this path upward. Please help me when I become discouraged. Show me the way and teach me your songs of praise so that I can travel the path up the mountain joyfully. Help me to be an encouragement to others that are climbing upward. Lord, help me realize that sometimes I am in the valley to help others find the way to you. In Your name I plead for guidance, Amen