Heart's Creation

Heart's Creation

Lately my heart has been hurting both physically and emotionally. Tests and MRI results have shown that my heart is relatively healthy and the pain in my chest is caused by nerves being pinched in my spine. Between pain killers and physical therapy I am moving forward but it is four steps forward and three steps back. A great deal of what is wrong with me is due to my own sins; hiding my feelings by eating too much. However, this pain and disability is also caused by my body aging and decaying. Like Job, I contemplate God's nature and His plan...

"Your hands shaped me and made me. Will you now turn and destroy me? Remember that you molded me like clay. Will you now turn me to dust again? Did you not pour me out like milk and curdle me like cheese, clothe me with skin and flesh and knit me together with bones and sinews? You gave me life and showed me kindness, and in your providence watched over my spirit." Job 10:8-12

God's word always helps me find the answers to my musing, the turmoil that spins in my mind while laying in bed wrestling with pain. I wonder if Job and Paul have talked to each other in heaven? Paul gives the answer to all life's questions:

"Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us. You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:1-8

Turning to God and His word always helps me. Writing down these thoughts, this blog is a sort of diary, a travel journal ~ of how God is changing my life. It is a diary filled with human frailty, written my someone carrying too much baggage from the past. Sometimes on days that are too full of pain ~ I go back and read some of the blog entries and it helps to see that He guided me through that day and helped me understand and persevere so that I could live with hope. I see through all the failures ~ that His truth is slowly changing my life and that I am being equipped for the battle ahead. I am also blessed with a network of online Christians that I can go to for inspiration. They share their daily struggles and how God is working in thier lives ~ through Christ.

Lord, I thank you so much for the life you have given me. Forgive me Lord for the time I have spent being selfish and only dealing with my own problems and issues. Give me eyes to see and a heart full of love for the lost and hurting. Guide me toward service that I can do ~ even with my limitations. Remind me daily Lord that my limitations and disabilities; this physical body ~ these things do not define me. They are part of the clay vessel but You are the most important part of my life. Create in me a heart that beats only for You; a clean heart fit for Your service and Your presence. With a heart of longing and praise, I pray this prayer in Christ's name, Amen.

"How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me? Look on me and answer, O LORD my God. Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death; my enemy will say, "I have overcome him," and my foes will rejoice when I fall. But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing to the LORD, for he has been good to me." Psalm 13:2-6

Tuning Up

Tuning Up

Jesus loves me unconditionally. Why is that so hard to believe? Is it because the people that were suppose to love me - love the cute baby from birth - just could not show love. If someone doesn't know what unconditional love feels like - how do you recognize it when it is offered? The answers to these questions are still unclear to me. I believe but I pray each day for God to help my unbelief!

"And now I have it all—and keep getting more! ...You can be sure that God will take care of everything you need, his generosity exceeding even yours in the glory that pours from Jesus. Our God and Father abounds in glory that just pours out into eternity. Yes!" Phil. 18-20. I have to keep reminding myself that Christ accepts me the way I am ~ blind, scarred by life, wounded, and fearful. Charles Stanley puts it this way: " He (God) never expects you to "get good" before you "get God" - There isn't a situation in your life that is beyond His awareness, His concern, and His tender care."

"Then will I go to the altar of God,
to God, my joy and my delight. I will praise you with the harp,
O God, my God." Psalm 43:4

In my life, I was surrounded by tone deaf musicians of love. The lessons that they taught were warped by fear, anger, and discord. I feel that God is tenderly reteaching me, reworking me into an instrument of joy and love that can, eventually, live a love song of praise to Him. He is the great Maestro, retuning my heart for unconditional love and a joyous celebration of praise.

Lord Father, thank you for Your Son, who gave His life - unconditionally. Take my life and conduct each stanza, each beat. Tune my heartstrings to love as Christ did - unconditionally, sacrificially, with joy and trust. To You be all the glory, and through Christ's name I pray this prayer and sing your praise! Amen.

I found Jesus there

I found Jesus there

Here is a story of faith ... ... ...

A surgeon sat beside the boy's bed; the boy's parents sat across from him. "Tomorrow morning," the surgeon began, "I'll open up your heart...".
"You'll find Jesus there," the boy interrupted. The surgeon looked up, annoyed. " I'll cut your heart open," he continued, "to see how much damage has been done...". ....."But when you open up my heart, you'll find Jesus in there," the boy insisted.
The surgeon looked to the parents, who sat quietly. He talked to them as a family directly, "When I see how much damage has been done, I'll sew your heart and chest back up and I'll plan what to do next." The boy tugged on the coat sleeve of the doctor and said, "But you'll find Jesus in my heart. The Bible says He lives there. The hymns all say He lives there. You'll find Him in my heart."

The surgeon had had enough. "I'll tell you what I'll find in your heart. I'll find damaged muscle, low blood supply, and weakened vessels. And I'll find out if I can make you well." The young boy looked at the doctor with serious, faith-filled eyes and said - one last time,"You'll find Jesus there too. He lives there." The surgeon left.

The surgeon sat in his office, recording his notes from the surgery: "...damaged aorta, damaged pulmonary vein, widespread muscle degeneration. No hope for transplant, no hope for cure. Therapy: painkillers and bed rest. Prognosis: " here he paused, "death within one year."
He stopped the recorder, but there was more to be said.
"Why?" he asked aloud. "Why did You do this? You've put him here; You've put him in this pain; and You've cursed him to an early death. Why?"
The Lord answered and said, "The boy, My lamb, was not meant for your flock for long, for he is a part of My flock, and will forever be. Here, in My flock, he will feel no pain, and will be comforted as you cannot imagine. His parents will one day join him here, and they will know peace, and My flock will continue to grow. " The surgeon's tears were hot, but his anger was hotter. "You created that boy, and You created that heart. He'll be dead in months. Why?" The Lord answered quietly, "The boy, My lamb, shall return to My flock, for he has done his duty: I did not put My lamb with your flock to lose him, but to retrieve another lost lamb. " The surgeon wept.

The next day, the surgeon sat beside the boy's bed; the boy's parents sat across from him. The boy awoke and whispered, "Did you cut open my heart?" "Yes," said the surgeon. "What did you find?" asked the boy."

"I found Jesus there," said the surgeon.

-- Author Unknown

Lord God, lead me to the cross every day. Help me to see that without Jesus, without the blood of the Lamb, sin covers my life and soul. Wash me white as snow each day with your light and love. Caste my sins into the deepest part of the ocean. You are worth to be praised! In my Savior's name I pray, Amen.

Inside Out

Day Three

It's all about the image, right? Body image is a huge hurdle for me. When I look back at pictures of myself when I was younger, I am surprised because I was told I was fat all my life. Size 10 is not fat! Now I am size 5X or size 24 to 32 (depending on the fit of the cloths and if I have to sit down or not). Well, a scripture caught my eye late last night:

I Sam 16:7 "The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart." I have to keep reminding myself of this fact over and over again. If my heart and soul is purified by God's forgiveness, then the rest will follow.

Today is a good day when it comes to eating. When I feel overwhelmed, I try to remember that I am not alone in this quest for healing and becoming healthy in body, mind, and soul.

"Never will I leave you or forsake you" ~ God

Lord I rejoice that you look on the inside and not the outside! I can't wait until I exchange this earthly body for life eternal with You! Until that time comes Lord, help me look at my world and myself through Your eyes. Purify me daily ~ I pray this prayer in Christ's name.

Amen