Peter said, "No! Lord."

Peter Said "No"!

God had things in motion. Salvation was finally going to be sent out to Gentiles. Cornelius, a respected Roman soldier, was waiting for God to send a messenger, Peter. But when God talked to Peter in a vision, Peter said "No, Lord!" to God's command. I am sure he was very confused. God himself had given the laws about eating unclean animals but the vision was not about killing and eating animals. It was God showing Peter that the old laws were gone and the new law meant breaking bread with the "unclean" Gentiles. So even though Peter said "No, Lord!", God's plan would not be stopped.

Corrie ten Boom wrote: " Peter said, "No, Lord!" But he had to learn that one cannot say "No" while saying "Lord" and that one cannot say "Lord" while saying "No". This quote really struck me last night as I was reading a book of devotional lessons and prayers for women. Why? Because for as long as I can remember, no - was the word echoing in my mind ~ for as long as I can recall. While I was proclaiming aloud, "Yes, mam. Yes, sir." ~ the loud chiming of "NO! NO! NO!" rang in my ears, deep in my mind. The sound was deafening and it blocked me from a normal life. It blocked love from coming completely in and it blocked me from loving and trusting others freely. The knelling would start anytime relationships became close, "No one can be trusted! No, they will hurt you! No, you are not worthy of love!"

When I read the quote from Corrie ten Boom last night, I first thought about her life and how much I have respected her sacrifice over the years and how I have cherished her writings and wisdom. Even in the Nazi concentration camp, Ravensbruck, she continued to say "Yes, Lord" when she could have said no to the horror, the daily suffering, the death of loved ones.... My mind would have gone into numb mode, disassociating from reality and "No! No! No! Dear God No!" would be coming out of my heart, mind, and mouth. Then I remembered some of Corrie ten Booms other words:

"We are not called to be burden-bearers, but cross-bearers and light bearers. We must cast our burdens on the Lord."... " Worry does not enable us to escape evil; it makes us unfit to cope with it when it comes." ..." Every experience God gives us, every person he brings into our lives, is the perfect preparation for the future that only he can see." ...." When God allows extraordinary trials for His people, He prepares extraordinary comforts for them." " There is nothing anybody else can do that can stop God from using us. We can turn everything into a testimony."

"All praise to the God and Father of our Master, Jesus the Messiah! Father of all mercy! God of all healing counsel! He comes alongside us when we go through hard times, and before you know it, he brings us alongside someone else who is going through hard times so that we can be there for that person just as God was there for us. We have plenty of hard times that come from following the Messiah, but no more so than the good times of his healing comfort—we get a full measure of that, too. ...Whatever God has promised gets stamped with the Yes of Jesus. In him, this is what we preach and pray, the great Amen, God's Yes and our Yes together, gloriously evident. God affirms us, making us a sure thing in Christ, putting his Yes within us. By his Spirit he has stamped us with his eternal pledge—a sure beginning of what he is destined to complete." 2 Corinthians 1: 3-5; 20-22

Wow! These scriptures help me so much! Even though terrible things happen - things that make the heart curl up and scream "No! Please God, no!", God still counsels me with a healing affirmation and places His "Yes" within me. Now I look back at the little girl that I was, who screamed no to God. She survived, hidden away - disassociated from the harsh, real world. Yet, that little girl was stamped with Yes!

It is the eternal pledge of God that my life and my end will not be a sad, frightened "No" but a new glorious life and in the end, a last peaceful, joyous "Yes".

Lord, thank you so much for your word, your promises. Without it I would be lost and afraid every day. Forgive my lack of faith when I get caught up in the pain and horror of this earthly life. That you have provided a purpose filled life for me that is stamped with your affirming "Yes" - it is too much to take in! Thank you Lord for salvation through Christ, your Son. How can I keep from singing your praise and joining in the chorus of "Yes". Help me to focus on the "Yes" and go, like Peter, to places unfamiliar, places that might be new and a little frightening. Through Christ I make this request: keep guiding me, keep counseling me, help me see the yes and not the no.... Amen

"And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit." 2 Cor. 3:18

The Fallen Returns

Confession ~ The Fallen Returns..

Tonight, again, I am watching the finals to The Biggest Loser on TV. For weeks I have been so depressed and felt like giving up on everything. I kept trying to count my blessings- so many tests showed nothing wrong. So when I was told that I was having seizures and that I would have to start on medication that costs $200 to $300 a month...well, I gave up! For over 4 weeks - I just gave up! Everyday I prayed and thanked God for a new day of life but when I started eating - starting at breakfast .... I did not stop eating until bedtime. I have gained 18 lbs of 45lbs that I had lost!
When I see the amazing weight loss of those on TV... I get even more discouraged. The Lord is on my side! How can I not be a "winner". But then I have to remind myself that life is not a competition and I should not compare myself to anyone else. God does not compare me to anyone else. I am unique and His treasure, His creation. My soul will stand alone before the throne of God to be judged. I am responsible for my life, my sins, ....tonight - I come before Him once again confessing my sins, my addiction to food, and my fears, my lack of faith in God's love.

So, once again, I write this entry as part of a journal, searching every day for the Way to turn hunger and thirst for love into a spiritual feast that replaces emotional eating habits. The days that I write in the online journal - those days and those blog entries are testimony, not of my success, but of God's guidance in my life and His love for me. So I go back and read the entries, read the scriptures that got me through a difficult day. I listen to the songs that helped me through temptation before. Journaling is so helpful as a tool to understanding why I eat, to see what my true weaknesses are, my triggers.

God's words continue to guide me - today, about temptation, confession, and that God is in control. Here are some basic thoughts the scriptures that support those thoughts:

Jesus is my Lord. The devil has no power over me. (Matthew 28:18; Colossians 1:13); In Jesus’ name I can block satan from controlling my life and forbid him from bothering me in any way. (Mark 16:17; James 4:7); No weapon formed against me shall prosper. (Isaiah 54:17); I fear no evil for You are with me Lord. (Psalm 23:4); Greater is He that is in me than he that is in the world. (1 John 4:4); Christ has set me free from the curse of sin and death. By His wounds, I have been healed. (Galatians 3:13; 1 Peter 2:24); The Lord is my Shepherd. I do not lack. (Psalm 23:1); My God is supplying all I need. (Philippians 4:19); I am a child of Almighty God. He loves me and takes good care of me. (Matthew 6:32-33; 7:11); The Lord is my Helper. I will not be afraid. (Hebrews 13:6); I can do all things through Christ Who gives me strength. (Philippians 4:13); All things are possible to me. I have faith so nothing is impossible. (Matthew 17:20; Mark 9:23); I am a forgiver. I am patient and kind. I walk in love. (1 Corinthians 13, Romans 5:5); Jesus has become my wisdom. (1 Corinthians 1:30); I have the mind of Christ. (Philippians 2:5); The Spirit of truth lives in me and teaches me all things. He guides me into all truth. (John 14:26; 16:13); The Lord gives me wisdom and understanding. (Proverbs 2:6); God is for me. (Psalm 56:9).

Lord, thank you for your wonderful love and the ultimate gift of love, your forgiveness due to Christ's sacrifice on the cross, for my sins. It is only through the cleansing power of that blood, that I can walk in your holy, presence and talk to you justified ~ Just as if I'd never sinned against you. Glory to your holy name! Lord, I am so weak and pain makes it difficult to think straight. Now they want to add a medication that will make me dizzy, weaker, and sleepy. I am worried and heartsick. Help me to focus on You and Your love for me. God help me to love you with a pure heart and rejoice in your truth, your word to me. Help me trust in you for everything. Lord, pain and illness isolates me so often. Please help me find ways to reach out to others and love them, just as you loved me. I pray this prayer in Christ's name, Amen.

He Paid the Price

Unclean Redeemed

Unclean Redeemed

Have you ever felt invisible? There are times when I feel like people don't see me - the real me. There are many times when obesity = invisibility. Those people who do look at me for just a second and then quickly look away are probably thinking, "Boy, I'm glad I don't look like that!" I sat in the back of many a church assembly and watched people greet and visit members and guests around them. What I have noticed and what research shows, people gravitate toward physically attractive people. Those that are obese but dress to the nines and are cheerful are included more readily. For those of us who are obese the following facts and examples hit too close to home:

"Clear discrimination against overweight people has been documented in three areas: education, health care, and employment. The reason for this appears to be very strong anti-fat attitudes. For example, 28% of teachers in one study said that becoming obese is the worst thing that can happen to a person; 24% of nurses said they are 'repulsed' by obese persons; and, controlling for income and grades, parents provide less college support for their overweight children than for their thin children. "(from Stigma and Discrimination in Weight Loss Management by Dr. Kelly Brownell) http://naafaonline.com%20(the/ following links are film clips of two models that dressed as size 22 women and how they were treated. Clip #1 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uE1Z-si4skY Clip #2 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A2SBKdik_gc Clip #3 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3X031RoEZvw )

Why do I bring all this up? Several reasons. Today I was sitting in services next to someone larger than myself and I was wishing that I was somewhere else. I wanted to be included in the crowds of people who were "seen". I wanted to distance myself from those that were obese and even from myself - distance myself from my own body. Then I remembered the parable of the Samaritan. "When he saw the man's condition, his heart went out to him". The priest and the Levite "saw" the man but did nothing - the injured man was invisible. The hero of this story was considered unclean, unredeemable, and despised by the Jews who were hearing the story. Jesus taught compassion and humility by making the hero of the story someone who knew what it felt like to feel invisible.

Where do I see myself in this story? I am the person beaten and left for dead in my sin, confusion, and despair. However, as the Lord has lifted me up, starting the healing process, and given me some success with weightloss - every once in a while, I also see myself as someone who wants to travel on the other side of the path from the abused and beaten; someone who wants to walk with the "normal looking" crowd, say a quick hello and then run past the complex, time consuming problems of the invisible obese, elderly, poor, or downtrodden in the congregation. When I feel this way, I give myself a good kick and remember that God saw me when I was down and out. He loved and accepted me ~ as I was ~ obese and discouraged. I pray that I can get past this fog of sin and disfunctional way of seeing the world and love myself and others as He loved me. I Cor. 13:12 "We don't yet see things clearly. We're squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won't be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We'll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us!"

Sarah said in Gen. 16, "You're the God who sees me! "Yes! He saw me; and then I saw him!"

"We love each other because He first loved us"

I John 4:19.

Dear Lord, Please help me today to trust in You for my deliverance from obesity. I know that I cannot loose weight without your help. There are too many failures weighing me down and I am so used to the ditch where life has left me to cry in pain. You are my only help Lord! You have forgiven my sins, washed me white as snow, and now it is my turn to help others. Lord forgive me when I am drawn to the "in" crowd and walk past those who need your love the most. Lord help me walk in Your light and guide me on the path of life. In the name of Christ, the Light of the World, I pray ~ Amen.