Day 1: More of Jesus, Less of Me

More of Jesus, Less of Me

Day One of A Spiritual Feast

I want to spend a month looking at what God's word has to say about the spiritual feast that other's in the Bible were blessed with ~ in hopes of helping me replace the emotional eating habits that I still am trying to change. So this is day one of "spiritual feast" devotionals - searching God's Word and planning to start each day with the prayer "More of Jesus, Less of Me".

"God commanded the Man, "You can eat from any tree in the garden, except from the Tree-of-Knowledge-of-Good-and-Evil. Don't eat from it. The moment you eat from that tree, you're dead." Gen. 2:16-17 The Message.

It doesn't surprise me in the least that one of the first "rules" God gave to Adam and Eve had to do with "eating". We as humans need food to live. God prepared a feast of every food in the garden exept one food from one tree. This fruit was harmful and God was trying to protect Adam and Eve.

Today there are so many harmful "forbidden fruits" that I should not be tempted to dabble in... and literally there are millions of food products that are artificial or loaded with fats and sugar. The commercials for these foods use music, laughter, sounds of people smacking their lips and enjoying themselves in front of plates of 3000 calorie meals. It is not an easy time to start a healthy eating plan. Last week I started on Medifast again. It was one of the first healthy diets for morbidly obese patients in hospitals back in the early '80s. It works for me. I am hoping that these 30 days of devotionsals "Less of Me, and more of Him" will help me keep my focus on Christ and God's plan for my life.

Lord, help me to see where in my life I am missing you. Please help me to find strength in your Word and to focus on the truth - that without Your love and grace I cannot be whole and I cannot resist the temptations and Satan's whispers "Eat - just one bite won't hurt". I am so hungry for love because of an upbringing that lacked so much, a marriage that was not whole because I was so afraid and so hungry for love but not trusting enough when people said they loved me. Lord help me to remember that with Christ I can do anything. Forgive my unbelief when I do not live the life of the redeemed. In my glorious Redeemer's name I pray, Amen.

The Divine Element: The Basics of Life

Bad Choices

Bad Choices

It has been one of those days again! I start praying and wanting to do the Lord's will, eat correctly and healthy but the need becomes overwhelming and I am drawn away from doing what I know is right. I tell myself, "It's OK to go to the grocery store. You really do need to buy a few things". But down underneath the "reasoning" is the real truth - I am hungry for something that will make me feel better or just "feel" or as it was today - not feel anything at all. I get to the store and I tell myself that I will just stay on the aisles that have healthy food - just get in and get out. But it never works and the rationalizing begins... "oh, it won't hurt to have just a little..."

Marie T. Freeman once said, "No matter how many books you read, no matter how many schools you attend, you're never really wise until you start making wise choices."

So once again I go to God's word... James 1:5 (above) gives me hope but verse James 1:6 says, "But let him ask in faith without doubting. For the doubter is like the surging sea, driven and tossed by the wind". The Word cuts like a sharp sword - it gives me such hope and purpose but it also sends the light of truth straight through to my heart and soul. Each time it does this - each time the truth really catches me with its spotlight, I curl up in a ball in bed and cry (if I could fall to my knees I would). The light shines on my sea-sick soul today because this addiction to food is killing me. I can't keep doing this! I am diabetic and I have to get this under control. My membership with Medifast has been "frozen" because of all the tests and my lack of balance. Perhaps I need to activate it again. But I want my health to improve and it is an extreme diet.... I will ask my doctor when I see him. Being obese is not helping my health at all!

So I come to God, seeking His forgiveness, seeking His wisdom and guidance... Yahweh - the only search engine I really need in life! "But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be provided for you!" Matthew 6:33

Lord, I have failed you again. I am committing suicide little by little by eating unhealthy and giving into the "hunger" that becomes my every thought - until it is met. The gratification never lasts long and I am left washed up on the sharp rocks of failure and shame. Just like the disciples at Gethsemane, I have failed to stay alert and guard against temptation. I wanted to do what was right but I was weak and so stupid. Lord how can you put up with my constant failure! I can barely stand to be around me! Please Lord help me remember your love for me ~ when I am tempted again. Help me remember Christ's living, loving, and dieing for my sins. Help me remember the joy of my salvation, my baptism, and the good things that have been given to me. Help me choose wisely as I follow in the footsteps of your only begotten Son. Like him - let me think less of myself and more of others. Keep my hands, mind, and emotions busy in the service of my Lord and King. In His name I plead, Amen.

Birth to Death

Lord, we pray for all the soldiers that are being sent around the world and that serve here at home. Please help us to remember those who gave their lives for America, even if we did not always agree on the military actions of that time in history. God, you are in control of our nation. Please guide our leaders, for without you ~ nations fall.
Today, and all weekend ~ I am so thankful for my earthly father. Everywhere he went, he put his job in the Lord's army first. He brought thousands to Christ but was a humble man. Even though he had over ten medals from various wars and won commendation after commendation - he always said it was an honor to serve his God and country ~ that he was just a soldier waiting for his next marching orders. Thank you Lord, God for examples like my Dad. We praise your name today and pray that whatever "marching orders" you send us, we will be listening for the call and be ready to serve you with all our hearts, minds, and will. In Christ, our Saviour's name, Amen.

My father was in WWII, two tours of duty in Vietnam, and served his country with destinction for over 50 years. His death last year has been difficult for me. Memorial Day, for me, has always involved the military aspect - honoring and remembering those who gave their lives for this country. This film takes a quiet moment to reflect..The melody was a nightly tune on every base that we lived on.
"Day is done, gone the sun, from the hills, from the lake, from the skies. All is well, safely rest, God is nigh. .....Go to sleep, peaceful sleep, may the soldier or sailor, God keep. On the land or the deep, safe in sleep."

Heart's Creation

Heart's Creation

Lately my heart has been hurting both physically and emotionally. Tests and MRI results have shown that my heart is relatively healthy and the pain in my chest is caused by nerves being pinched in my spine. Between pain killers and physical therapy I am moving forward but it is four steps forward and three steps back. A great deal of what is wrong with me is due to my own sins; hiding my feelings by eating too much. However, this pain and disability is also caused by my body aging and decaying. Like Job, I contemplate God's nature and His plan...

"Your hands shaped me and made me. Will you now turn and destroy me? Remember that you molded me like clay. Will you now turn me to dust again? Did you not pour me out like milk and curdle me like cheese, clothe me with skin and flesh and knit me together with bones and sinews? You gave me life and showed me kindness, and in your providence watched over my spirit." Job 10:8-12

God's word always helps me find the answers to my musing, the turmoil that spins in my mind while laying in bed wrestling with pain. I wonder if Job and Paul have talked to each other in heaven? Paul gives the answer to all life's questions:

"Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us. You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:1-8

Turning to God and His word always helps me. Writing down these thoughts, this blog is a sort of diary, a travel journal ~ of how God is changing my life. It is a diary filled with human frailty, written my someone carrying too much baggage from the past. Sometimes on days that are too full of pain ~ I go back and read some of the blog entries and it helps to see that He guided me through that day and helped me understand and persevere so that I could live with hope. I see through all the failures ~ that His truth is slowly changing my life and that I am being equipped for the battle ahead. I am also blessed with a network of online Christians that I can go to for inspiration. They share their daily struggles and how God is working in thier lives ~ through Christ.

Lord, I thank you so much for the life you have given me. Forgive me Lord for the time I have spent being selfish and only dealing with my own problems and issues. Give me eyes to see and a heart full of love for the lost and hurting. Guide me toward service that I can do ~ even with my limitations. Remind me daily Lord that my limitations and disabilities; this physical body ~ these things do not define me. They are part of the clay vessel but You are the most important part of my life. Create in me a heart that beats only for You; a clean heart fit for Your service and Your presence. With a heart of longing and praise, I pray this prayer in Christ's name, Amen.

"How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me? Look on me and answer, O LORD my God. Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death; my enemy will say, "I have overcome him," and my foes will rejoice when I fall. But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing to the LORD, for he has been good to me." Psalm 13:2-6

New Cloths for Spring

New Cloths for Spring

Spring is supposed to be a new beginning, a new start ~ freshness in the air after the damp, cold air of winter. For me, Spring has meant increased pain and more tests; MRIs, blood work ~ all adding up to medical bills totaling over $60,000 in 30 days. As I have shared before, my past "pain killer" or escape from emotional and physical pain has always been food, especially chocolate. I have been unable to swim and when I get out at all, it is usually for less than an hour. But through all of this, God keeps sending me His word through various formats. Even though my weight loss has stalled, I know God wants me to continue the good fight, continue redeeming my body as His temple. That He is changing me from the inside out is amazing; even though the sins of others scarred my body for life and my sins and lack of faith continued that dispair and destruction - - until God started me on this journey, recorded in this blog. Today God sends light to my path of darkness and calls me to a vision filled with hope of eternal life and He wants me to put on New Cloths this Spring:

"You're done with that old life. It's like a filthy set of ill-fitting clothes you've stripped off and put in the fire. Now you're dressed in a new wardrobe. Every item of your new way of life is custom-made by the Creator, with his label on it.... From now on everyone is defined by Christ, everyone is included in Christ. So, chosen by God for this new life of love, dress in the wardrobe God picked out for you: compassion, kindness, humility, quiet strength, discipline. Be even-tempered, content with second place, quick to forgive an offense. Forgive as quickly and completely as the Master forgave you. And regardless of what else you put on, wear love. It's your basic, all-purpose garment. Never be without it. Let the peace of Christ keep you in tune with each other, in step with each other. None of this going off and doing your own thing. And cultivate thankfulness. Let the Word of Christ—the Message—have the run of the house. Give it plenty of room in your lives. Instruct and direct one another using good common sense. And sing, sing your hearts out to God! Let every detail in your lives—words, actions, whatever—be done in the name of the Master, Jesus, thanking God the Father every step of the way." Col. 3:10-17

Here is Tim Lewis talking to other Christians about Col. 3:

Dear Lord, I come before you again today, pleading for your mercy and forgiveness. I give up so easily when I am surrounded by pain. Surround me with Your love ~ my Lord, my God. Help me to remember Christ's sacrifice and wounds. Eternity with You is my goal and my dream. All I really know is that I love you ~ You are my life, my breath. Please help me keep the vision of eternal life with You in front of my mind, my thoughts each minute of each day. Thank you for your word that lights up my life. Lord, there are so many people hurting and dyeing today. Surround them with love and send helpers to them. Bless those that take your message to others, whether it be online, standing in a building or walking the dusty paths in foreign lands. Lord, it is in Your Son's name I pray today, Amen.

Helping me focus on life eternal and transformation ~

Grady King's ending of Sermon "Tears of Hope":

Sweet Trust

The God of Love has sent me down a path that is shrouded in fog and pain. I can't see what is to come but I know that Christ is my guide and will save me from any holes, cliffs, or sharp turns that I cannot see or anticipate. Even though I can't see ahead, I walk by faith. Am I good at walking by faith? No, not always. So I go to the scriptures for help and I look for examples of other Christians that have gone through trials and were able to trust in the Lord. They were rewarded, some of them in this life.

"Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek you." Psalm 9:10

Below is a film clip about the author of the lyrics to one of my favorite hymns. The story is about trust ~ even in times when it seems impossible to take another step. This clip reminded me that God's people keep loving their Lord with all their hearts, minds, soul, body ~ their whole being.

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." 1Cor. 13:4-7

Lord, thank you for your wonderful love and the ultimate gift of love, your forgiveness due to Christ's sacrifice on the cross, for my sins. It is only through the cleansing power of that blood, that I can walk in your holy, presence and talk to you justified ~ Just as if I'd never sinned against you. Glory to your holy name! Lord, I am so weak and pain makes it difficult to think straight. Oh, God help me to love you with a pure heart and rejoice in your truth, your word to me. Help me trust in you for everything. Lord, pain and illness isolates me so often. Please help me find ways to reach out to others and love them, just as you loved me. I pray this prayer in Christ's name, Amen.

The Weight of the Cross

Thoughts and images about the true weight of the Cross...

Romans 5:1-5

The Saving One

When I am in pain, I listen to music and doodle on the computer. It keeps me from eating or numbing out with food. Here are two Christian songs that I added pictures to and wanted to keep online so that I can watch them when I hurt too much to even doodle or move at all.

Going over journal entries have helped me greatly. I know the scriptures and songs are coming from the Lord and the entries mark my ups and downs during this time of change. Some day I will share this blog with others but for now it is just a personal journal ~ a journey.

No Small Thing

The Power of Jesus Name

It Is Well, With My Soul

Woman at the Well

Jesus knew the woman at the well. To her, being really seen ~ was frightening but also a blessing. Jesus saw past the sin and loved the real person - the inner being.

"To be known is to be loved..." He really sees me - as I am, and yet he does not ignore me but instead He loves me. "To be known is to be loved" - without honestly looking at myself, without opening up completely so that all can see - well, "to be known is to be loved and to be loved is to be known":

Wholly Holy

Wholly Holy

"A holy response comes from a wholly committed heart". In the Book of Numbers I read the story of Joshua who was "wholly committed to follow the Lord". The Bible mentions five more times that he wholly followed the Lord. To do this, every part of his life had to be centered on God and His holy purpose - ready to follow at any minute, with no excuse or second thought.

I am at that point in my life when it is hard to "go" anywhere in a wheelchair. I still want to be open to God's calling. If God calls me to a task, I want to respond without excuses. I am at a new stage in my life: retired, getting healthy, loosing weight, no longer a caregiver to my Dad. At times of great change Satan can sneak in. So tonight I am praying for guidance for many decisions.

"Open up before God, keep nothing back;
he'll do whatever needs to be done:
He'll validate your life in the clear light of day
and stamp you with approval at high noon. " Psalm 37:5 (the Message version)

"Commit to the LORD whatever you do,
and your plans will succeed." Proverbs 16:3 (NIV)

I realize that such commitment to follow wholly - means that I must pay a price. Whatever that price is, I am sure that it cannot compare to the glory to come and the joy and peace that following Jesus on earth will bring. I am just reaching a point where the emotional barriers are coming down, and I am becoming a free person, with daily choices to make. For many years the daily choice was easy ~ die or live, drown in despair or survive, get help or give up. That battle is not as intense anymore. So many victories have been won - thanks to God's love and forgiveness. Now, there are more good days than days full of anguish. I am asking God to use me but I am not sure what His answer is for me tonight. So I will continue to work on weight loss, eating healthy, and learning how to mature as a Christian. The wholly committed life is not easy but I know the Lord will give me strength.

Lord, I am at a cross roads in my life. I pray that you will accept my cracked earthen vessel as your home and let me serve you wholly. Without Your love and grace, I would be nothing. Guide me day by day, for without the light of Your presence, I am blind and do not know what to do. Lord, for those who are struggling, I pray that they receive guidance and hope. Where ever you need me to go - I will go. Whatever you want me to do - I will do. With Christ as my mirror and my Savior, I pray this prayer. Amen.

Deadly Kudzu

Deadly Kudzu

Ever hear of Kudzu? It is known as "The vine that ate the South" or "mile-a-minute vine".

Why do I bring up Kudzu? Well, I have a problem with depression. It is an "adjustment disorder with depressed mood". This is depression that comes out of a stressful event. Many survivors have been diagnosed with various types of depression and/or manic depression. My life and moods have always been dictated by whatever situation I was thrown in. I survived by feverishly attempting to do whatever was required during that stressful time and then as soon as that "crazy" event or period of time was over, I went into "lump" mode. As a child, I was called a "lump" or lazy at least a million times times. I was a chess piece to be moved about by someone else. I could not be moved unless some external force "moved" me. As I reached my teen years the anger at this game began to build and I started resisting. The few attempts at repellion were futile and one of these attempts led to marraige to a controller. I soon found out that I had no power over my abusers, my controllers. That is when eating became my power move, something I could control.

As an adult, this has not changed. I have gotten rid of the abusers and controllers in my life but I still move from one extreme to another. After a stressful time, I become inactive, a lump. The eating to feel powerful has changed to a habit that I find hard to control. Just like Kudzu! That import from Japan was used to bring nutrients to the stressed out, used up soil of the South in the '40s and 50's and then it took control. In the South the legend is that if you leave a window open in the night, Kudzu will creep in and smother you. Well, if I let it, depression or "resting" after a storm of stress ~ takes over. I become a lump until the next time that some force "moves me", some emergency happens, or the crisis builds. Everything piles up in the house and tasks that need to get done lurk around every dark corner of the house ~ like Kudzu, ready to overwhelm me or smother me with sadness, and a feeling of dispair. Today I am looking at bills and the financial situation for my Dad's estate, all things that I must work on before the final sale of the house in a week. If I am left alone, I will sit and do nothing. I have so many good reasons for not moving a muscle! I am so tired! I just want to sit and do nothing. Well, God has a solution:

"Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might... " Ecclesiastes 9:10 ~ and ~ "...do whatever your hand finds to do, for God is with you." I Samuel 10:7. ~ and finally, from the Message version of Isaiah 41:9-10 ~

"I pulled you in from all over the world,
called you in from every dark corner of the earth,
Telling you, 'You're my servant, serving on my side.
I've picked you. I haven't dropped you.'
Don't panic. I'm with you.
There's no need to fear for I'm your God.
I'll give you strength. I'll help you.
I'll hold you steady, keep a firm grip on you."

God is telling me, through His word, that He is in control. If I reach out and grab hold of one task at a time, one handful at a time ~ with His help I can move forward. I am no longer a chess piece. I choose to move forward, with God's help and as I look up from the darkness, from underneath the massive vines of depression, I find that He has had a firm grip on me the whole time!

Lord God Almighty, thank you! Without hope in You I would not be moving at all today. Please help me to grasp onto the tasks that I can handle today and to do that task in Christ's name, with all my might. During those dark, lonely times of pure exhaustion or when depression overtakes me ~ help me find my way back to Your strength, Your light, Your love. I know Lord, without Jesus ~ I have no hope of salvation! So it is through Christ's name I pray this prayer, Amen.

Liar, Liar!

Liar! Liar!

"Liar, Liar! Pants on fire!" These are words that I wished many times that I could shout back to my mother. She wove such a web of lies around me concerning my body that, to this day, I still believe her. I look at the pictures of myself growing up and I am shocked. I was not fat! Yet in her fear filled eyes I was always fat and the "body" had to be controlled or it would take control and all would be lost. Her disfunctional idea of "body image" branded itself in my brain. Each day as I am trying to dig through the seared remains of my mind, I find that I must take each idea, each phrase, each memory and hold it to the light. Once it is in the light, I must sort the lies from the truth. My distorted body image is the reason that I have been unable to loose weight for years and years. This process of healing and claiming my past for Christ and truth ~ this is the hardest thing I have ever done. But it is time. It is the right time for my salvation:

"By entering through faith into what God has always wanted to do for us—set us right with him, make us fit for him—we have it all together with God because of our Master Jesus. And that's not all: We throw open our doors to God and discover at the same moment that he has already thrown open his door to us. We find ourselves standing where we always hoped we might stand—out in the wide open spaces of God's grace and glory, standing tall and shouting our praise.

There's more to come: We continue to shout our praise even when we're hemmed in with troubles, because we know how troubles can develop passionate patience in us, and how that patience in turn forges the tempered steel of virtue, keeping us alert for whatever God will do next. In alert expectancy such as this, we're never left feeling shortchanged. Quite the contrary—we can't round up enough containers to hold everything God generously pours into our lives through the Holy Spirit!

Christ arrives right on time to make this happen. He didn't, and doesn't, wait for us to get ready. He presented himself for this sacrificial death when we were far too weak and rebellious to do anything to get ourselves ready. And even if we hadn't been so weak, we wouldn't have known what to do anyway. We can understand someone dying for a person worth dying for, and we can understand how someone good and noble could inspire us to selfless sacrifice. But God put his love on the line for us by offering his Son in sacrificial death while we were of no use whatever to him. " Romans 5:1-8 (The Message version)

My life growing up was based on lies and fear. I escpecially like this version of Romans 5. God always wanted to "set it right with me and make me fit for him". As long as I am harboring lies about my body and my body image ~ then I am not a fit vessel for the Lord to use. I am not saying that physical appearance hinders God's message. Fat people can preach the word, be a blessing to others, and walk through the pearly gates. A liar cannot do these things. Even though the lies were created by my mother and others who believed her, I cannot move forward and be functional until I stop believing those lies, stop living those lies. Every time I believe those lies instead of walking through the door of truth that is held wide open by Christ - I am choosing to go back to prison, the dark despair of my warped body image.

Verse 5 of Romans 5 is so helpful to me today: "hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us. " NIV This "outpouring" of God's love into my scorched, hurting heart is actually translated as a continual, never ending act. That is why I like The Message version. I can't round up enough containers to hold all the truth and love that God is generously pouring into my life today. This is all happening just at the right time, when I needed it the most, when I am ready to see the truth, strong enough to take the full brunt of this truth. Because God chose the right time, I am now strong enough to face the lies and view my body in the light of God's love and forgiveness. I cannot be used by God the way I am. Once again this is not because I am obese - no! Obese people can be used by God. It is not because I am size 30 - because God does not see the outward part of me. It is because my heart and mind are mummified. Like a dead person walking around, I must unravel all the layers of putrid lies that incase my image of myself and let Christ bring to life my dead, numb heart. I need His help to walk a new path, a new life. When this task is done, I don't want people to say, "You look so wonderful! You have lost so much weight!" I want them to shout, " She's free! She's alive! She's alive!"

Lord, please help me each day to face the truth. Help me to sort through the lies that are buried so deep in my heart and mind. Lord, help me to forgive. As I uncover lie after lie, help me to forgive those people who spoke those lies and then reinforced them with their actions, their torture. Forgiving is so hard for me God. All I want to do is make them pay for what they did to a little girl's heart, who only wanted to love them and have their approval. Lord, free me from the burden of this overwhelming sadness and pain. With your help Lord I have lost over twenty pounds. Lord, help me be like Paul and claim each victory for you. Help me point to you as my Savior of my life, of each successful day. In my Redeemer's name I pray, Amen.

Water, Water Everywhere

God in Control

God in Control

"God is in Control", a book and study guide by Dean Hagler has given me several days of deep study. The following is taken from his book and study guide:

The Godhead (God, Christ, and the Holy Spirit) was the only force in the beginning and it will be the only force at Judgement or the end (Rev.23:13). Hagler states that there are certain principles in the word of God that must guide our lives. If I deny one of these principle or truths, then I forfeit or block God as the "driver" and I leave my role as passenger and take control. I think I have the "right of way", the "right take" on the scriptures, the "right" way to do things. I listen to others or follow family traditions instead of just listening to God's written word... .... .... ... ...

Well, I don't want to block God's controll in my life. So here goes! I am just going to list these scriptures and pray over them - because without God being in control of my life - I know I will be lost! For my benefit, as a reminder to myself - I am listing the scriptures in one place so that I can come back to them in times of need - and study them once again:

1. God is the creator of life and He has all rights in regard to what He has created (Gen. 1:1 and following)
2. God created man special and created man in His image or likeness (Gen. 2:7).
3. We can relate to God. We are like Him morally and spiritually. (Gen. 1:27 & Gen.2:8)
4. God is active in the lives of men (Gen. 12:1-4; Rom. 8:28). He intends for things to work for the ultimate good of those who love Him (Gen. 50:19-20).
5. God has a plan for us and has given man direction from the beginning. His plan has different stages. (Gen. 2:15-17).
6. We are responsible for our own actions. God punishes the sinner. (Ezekiel 18:20)
7. God sent His son to pay for our sins. (John 1:1-14). This has always been His plan. (Gen. 3:15; 12:3; Galatians 3:8)
8. All men have sinned and must turn their life around (Romans 3:23). As none of us is righteous, holy, or pure, we must accept God's righteousness (Gal. 3:10-14).
9. God has provided His Spirit as a helper to those that are baptized in His Son's name (Acts 2:38; I Cor. 3:16)

So do I believe all of these scriptures? Do I accept them? Some are easier then others. Number 8 gives me trouble. I look at all the good I have done, at how far I have come....Sometimes I think I'm OK - yeah - I'm fine - I don't really need saving... then the hunger becomes compulsive again and I fail miserably! So once again, I ask God to take control and beg for help.

Number 9 is not easy either. Is baptism really needed? What if there is no water? But the Lord provided water to Philip and Ethiopian eunuch (Acts 8). They went "down into the water". Water? They were traveling the desert road. The words here indicates there was no dipping, sprinkling, - there is no evidence of those kinds of traditions found in the original Greek words that mean "down into the water - or a covering of water". So many people stop at faith only and just don't "do" the baptism thing. Good friends of mine follow their tradition because that is what has been done for years and years. Has their denominations morphed the scriptures? Is baptism the exact point of contact with the blood of the Lamb? Is baptism the beginning of our new life as Christians, our new walk with Christ? (Rom. 6:3-11)

But how can I believe that others who believe in the Lord are not cleansed by his blood and forgiven? ~ How can I believe that millions of believers ~ those who have yet to be baptised but believe in the Lord Jesus Christ - are not yet in contact with His healing, cleansing blood?

And yet baptism is a command in the New Testament - it was how things were done by the first Christians. They used anything deep enough to cover their bodies - anything that they could fill with water. Even as they hid in the catacombs, they found the vessels they needed, hauled in the water and were immersed. Take the tours under the ancient cities and listen to the guides as they point to the first century christians' symbol of the fish that are carved in the huge, deep, stone baptistries of past. Traditions! Traditions!

So today I look at the scriptures again, sigh and cry, and pray for understanding. As for me, right now ~ I am not in control of the Lord's word, or how it is interpreted by others. All I can do is pray for others to let God be in control of their own lives and their own salvation. I pray, like Paul, that everyone might "continue to work out your own salvation, with fear and trembling." Phil. 2:12

I still have a great deal of studying to do on this "list". I do know that I am responsible for my life and my sins. I cannot control others and I am commanded by Christ to not judge others. (Matt. 7:1-2, Luke 6:37) - I want God to be in control of my life. I know I have free will and that I will fail often. As a christian, I believe that Christ's blood continually cleanses me if I continue to walk in the light of God's word. (1 John 1:7)

Lord God, help me and guide me always. Without your control in my life, I would be adrift in a sea of sin and failure. Fill me with your love. Help me to trust you only and not trust in my own understanding of your word and your plan for my life. Let your light and your words guide my life. Please help me to not judge others but to show them the way to Your word so that You can bring them light and life eternal. In Jesus name, Amen.

Majestic Name