I Want It Now!

Day

I.G.S. = Immediate Gratification Syndrome. "This is a psychological state of mind that plagues us with the thought of living for today and for the moment. It causes us to do what we want instead of what we need. " As I am being healed of this "disorder" I find it difficult filling in the void. There is more time to think and feel and I find that I am almost desperate to stay busy, feel connected to something, to fill the void that I.G.S. left behind.

"Take food: those of us with eating issues always look at the “normies” and think how can they eat that and not think about it? Or not plan everything? or obsess? or count? I don't get how food isn't a big deal to them. It’s because food isn’t filling a void for them. It’s not a I MUST HAVE THAT NOW kind of thing. To normies, hunger is a gentle nudge saying “hey, you are low on fuel, you should probably eat soon,” and they go about their merry way until its convenient to eat. ....Its all about immediate gratification. People with food issues use food to fill some void, and when the slightest hint of a trigger arises, you need to fix it NOW......THAT’S how you know if you have issues with food. If you need food so intensely at any given moment, out of no where, whether you are hungry, anxious, sad, lonely, happy- anything, and you cant think about anything else until you get it (or deprive yourself of it, in an anorexic’s case) you are abusing food. Its like a drug fix- you cant think of anything else until you get that hit" posting by Kelly at http://www.wellsphere.com/home.s

As a teacher, my job gave me instant, immediate gratification. Every few minutes - students got it ~ there were "light bulb" moments every 20 to 30 minutes. Sometimes it was like fireworks! I love that part of the job. Then you drive away with papers to grade, lessons to plan, and the need for food becomes overwhelming. Eating would start ~ sometimes on the way home and continue until I would fall asleep.

When I became disabled, on my last day at school - I received a call from my Dad's caregiver that they were heading to the hospital. From Spring until mid-October, dealing with Hospice, death, trusts, estate sales, and family members has filled my time completely. When there was a down time - I would eat. In desperation I started the Medifast program in early September because, in that program, there were few choices to be made - just eat their foods, drink their shake and eat one meal. That has worked great until the last two weeks. Now everything has settled down and I am retired with lots of time on my hands. I find that I am back to thinking about eating or desperately rushing around trying to fill in the void. I don't want to rush into "works" just to keep busy. I want to be guided by the Lord and figure out what He wants me to do with my life. Like many people today - I am out of work and wondering what to do next with my life.

I found an example of someone desperate ~ David's need for immediate help, his plea is my plea also:

"But I've lost it. I'm wasted. God—quickly, quickly! Quick to my side, quick to my rescue! God, don't lose a minute. " Psalm 70:5 (The Message)

Same verse but New Living Translation: "But as for me, I am poor and needy; please hurry to my aid, O God. You are my helper and my savior; O Lord, do not delay."

Lord, Help! I am at a turning point in my life and I am very afraid of falling back into spending all of my "empty" times - the void - with food or thoughts of food. Hundreds of times a day I am finding an overwhelming hunger - a void to be filled. I rush here and there, rent a movie, think about food, but I know those are part of the old pattern. Help me to be still, learn from you in the silence and then "Go". I am not sure what my hands need to be doing, so Lord please come to my aid and help me, save me, and guide me. In my Savior's name I plead for guidance, Amen.