Less of Me

Hunger and Thirst

It is one of those days. Nothing seems to keep me from the need to binge. As Christmas approaches, Reeses Peanut Butter Cups dance in my head ~ day and night. What is wrong with me? Well, I know that there is a great deal of emotional stress with this holiday season. It is the first one since my dad's death. I need something to fill in the empty void. I need something to block the feelings that hurt too much. Food has always been my answer.

With God's help and guidance, I have been loosing weight. However, as the holiday season approached, I have become depressed, lost, and failing again when it comes to staying on a diet. I am once again shipwrecked on an island of despair and surrounded by unhealthy "saltwater" to drink. That is all I see! The more you drink saltwater to stop the thirst - the thirstier you get. For me it is not really saltwater - it is sweets. I get so filled with sorrow, memories that are painful, and compulsive thoughts that race around in my head - that I need something else to replace those things. So I fill up on sweets. But like saltwater - one piece of candy is not enough.

I know what I have to do ~ Go to God and His word to fill me up, to replace the need for sweets. Matthew 5:6 says: "Blessed are they that hunger and thirst after righteousness, for they shall be filled." NKJV I really like the Message version of this passage:"You're blessed when you've worked up a good appetite for God. He's food and drink is the best meal you'll ever eat."

I find it easy to "hunger and thirst for righteousness" and I do have an appetite for God and His love. However, I think there is another step in this process that I do not find easy. I must continually empty myself first before I can be "filled" with His glory. That emptying process is constant and it is very difficult. Sometimes I want to keep what I am used to: abuse, failure, sorrow, scars, and chaos. I must remember the salvation of the Lord. "It started when God said, "Light up the darkness!" and our lives filled up with light as we saw and understood God in the face of Christ, all bright and beautiful. If you only look at us, you might well miss the brightness. We carry this precious Message around in the unadorned clay pots of our ordinary lives. That's to prevent anyone from confusing God's incomparable power with us. As it is, there's not much chance of that. You know for yourselves that we're not much to look at. We've been surrounded and battered by troubles, but we're not demoralized; we're not sure what to do, but we know that God knows what to do; we've been spiritually terrorized, but God hasn't left our side; we've been thrown down, but we haven't broken." 2 Cor. 4:6-11(Message) So my prayer again today ~ my longing is to be emptied of self; of past abuse, failures, and chaos. Only then can I be filled with God's light and love. I know that if I can do that - I will not be hungry and thirsty again.

Lord God, have mercy on me today! I am caught in a web of poor eating habits and I am trying to break free. Please help me to empty myself of pride, of self, and yes, help me to leave behind the abused little girl. Fill me with your hope and love so that I can set my feet forward on the road to success, when it comes to controlling my eating. You are worthy to be praised for eternity and it is my desire to spend my life singing your praises and spreading the good news of your loving grace. Through Jesus' name, I make this petition, Amen.