Deadly Kudzu

Deadly Kudzu

Ever hear of Kudzu? It is known as "The vine that ate the South" or "mile-a-minute vine".

Why do I bring up Kudzu? Well, I have a problem with depression. It is an "adjustment disorder with depressed mood". This is depression that comes out of a stressful event. Many survivors have been diagnosed with various types of depression and/or manic depression. My life and moods have always been dictated by whatever situation I was thrown in. I survived by feverishly attempting to do whatever was required during that stressful time and then as soon as that "crazy" event or period of time was over, I went into "lump" mode. As a child, I was called a "lump" or lazy at least a million times times. I was a chess piece to be moved about by someone else. I could not be moved unless some external force "moved" me. As I reached my teen years the anger at this game began to build and I started resisting. The few attempts at repellion were futile and one of these attempts led to marraige to a controller. I soon found out that I had no power over my abusers, my controllers. That is when eating became my power move, something I could control.

As an adult, this has not changed. I have gotten rid of the abusers and controllers in my life but I still move from one extreme to another. After a stressful time, I become inactive, a lump. The eating to feel powerful has changed to a habit that I find hard to control. Just like Kudzu! That import from Japan was used to bring nutrients to the stressed out, used up soil of the South in the '40s and 50's and then it took control. In the South the legend is that if you leave a window open in the night, Kudzu will creep in and smother you. Well, if I let it, depression or "resting" after a storm of stress ~ takes over. I become a lump until the next time that some force "moves me", some emergency happens, or the crisis builds. Everything piles up in the house and tasks that need to get done lurk around every dark corner of the house ~ like Kudzu, ready to overwhelm me or smother me with sadness, and a feeling of dispair. Today I am looking at bills and the financial situation for my Dad's estate, all things that I must work on before the final sale of the house in a week. If I am left alone, I will sit and do nothing. I have so many good reasons for not moving a muscle! I am so tired! I just want to sit and do nothing. Well, God has a solution:

"Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might... " Ecclesiastes 9:10 ~ and ~ "...do whatever your hand finds to do, for God is with you." I Samuel 10:7. ~ and finally, from the Message version of Isaiah 41:9-10 ~

"I pulled you in from all over the world,
called you in from every dark corner of the earth,
Telling you, 'You're my servant, serving on my side.
I've picked you. I haven't dropped you.'
Don't panic. I'm with you.
There's no need to fear for I'm your God.
I'll give you strength. I'll help you.
I'll hold you steady, keep a firm grip on you."

God is telling me, through His word, that He is in control. If I reach out and grab hold of one task at a time, one handful at a time ~ with His help I can move forward. I am no longer a chess piece. I choose to move forward, with God's help and as I look up from the darkness, from underneath the massive vines of depression, I find that He has had a firm grip on me the whole time!

Lord God Almighty, thank you! Without hope in You I would not be moving at all today. Please help me to grasp onto the tasks that I can handle today and to do that task in Christ's name, with all my might. During those dark, lonely times of pure exhaustion or when depression overtakes me ~ help me find my way back to Your strength, Your light, Your love. I know Lord, without Jesus ~ I have no hope of salvation! So it is through Christ's name I pray this prayer, Amen.