Truly Lovable

Truly Loveable

Have you ever felt unloved, unlovable? I spent the last part of the week at my Dad's house, getting ready for the final move. After his death we had an estate sale and I knew that there would be unsold items to bring back to Dallas for a second sale. Workers found more than just old boxes of papers in the attic and what was going to be a simple move ended up being a nightmare. Friday they unloaded boxes into every room of my house in Dallas. Even my back patio has stacks of old furniture on it. The unfinished dreams, postponed projects, boxes of personal papers, and more bits of pieces of the past are now ramparts that must be maneuvered as I limp through the house. My electric wheelchair could not take the mess, and is now in need of repair. After all the movers, volunteers, and workers left, I was left alone to deal with this heap. As the quiet settled in and the rain began to fall from a grey sky, I felt so alone, so dejected. The task ahead seemed overwhelming. I thought that I was mostly done going through boxes, filing, shredding, and pricing. It will be another month, at least, before most of this is gone through; another six months before the boxes of papers and old books are sorted. The walls of boxes fence me in but this feeling of abandonment in the face of what seems to be impossible brought back old feelings ~ the feeling of being overwhelmed or surrounded by people that were unable to love me - as I was, as I am. They turned away because it was just too hard a task to deal with all of my unfinished dreams, postponed projects, personal tragedies, and scarred past. Now with a massive globular layer of fat surrounding my body and feeling like my family's past has encased me in boxes ~ I am finding it very hard to count my blessings, very hard to be positive. The weeping starts and will not stop. It is an effort to even breathe. The images and memories brought on by all of the boxes of papers, furniture, and household decorations ~ once again bring sorrow, anger, and so many other feelings. I know the crying is natural during the mourning process and that I am also so very, very tired. So once again I cry out, "Does anyone see me?!? Can anyone love me NOW?!? Can anyone love this mess that I am today?" The answer comes with a whisper and then a shout... ... ...

John 3:16 ~ " For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only son". I go to the scriptures that have helped me in the past. ... ... ..."It wasn't so long ago that you were mired in that old stagnant life of sin. You let the world, which doesn't know the first thing about living, tell you how to live. .... .... immense in mercy and with an incredible love, He embraced us. He took our sin-dead lives and made us alive in Christ. He did all this on his own, with no help from us! Then he picked us up and set us down in highest heaven in company with Jesus, our Messiah. " Eph. 2:1-6 ... ... ... "God is love, and he who abides in love abides in God, and God in him" I John 4:19 Once again, God's word to me gets through all the chaos and helps me put what I can't handle aside and focus on what I can do today.

Lord, please keep reminding me of Your place in my heart and in my life. Let Your love reign over me today and fill me with the peace during this time of sorrow and chaos. In my Savior's name, I pray. Amen.