Raging Flood

Day Fourteen

I have been reading Max Lacado's book "Traveling Light" which is a study of Psalm 23. He talks in great length about David the shepherd and what sheep are like. The idea of "still waters" at this time in my life is very appealing. I also love these scriptures:

Isaiah 12:3 - "With joy you will draw water from the wells of salvation."

Isaiah 49:10 - "They will neither hunger nor thirst, nor will the desert heat or the sun beat upon them.
He who has compassion on them will guide them and lead them beside springs of water."

Have I mentioned that I have been having nightmares a great deal? Floods! In every kind of dream! I will be dreaming about rushing around to get ready for the estate sale (which is thankfully over with). Then all of sudden the floods come rushing or darkly creeping in. I will be dozing off in the dentist chair and find myself dreaming about trying to get to my Dad's nursing home and the roads blocked by high water. When I open my eyes, I expect to see water all around the pedistal chair and torrents of rain blowing through the dentist's window. My nights are filled with dreams of raging floods or swirling high water. One online source says the dreams represent: "emotional issues and tension (duh!). Your repressed emotions are overwhelming you. (I'll say!). Consider where the flood is for clues as to where in your waking life is causing you stress and tension." So, most of my floods are family related, death related, and near my Dad's home or my own home. I am either trying to save my Dad or my brother or me. ... ... ... ...

There is nothing I can do about Dad since he has passed away. Today while I was in the dentist chair I remembered a time when I took Dad to the dentist and sat in a chair and watched. I was remembering how he made everyone laugh, made everyone feel at ease. Then the flood came, I began to cry! So I bit my lip and fought back the sobs that almost escaped. After all I was in a dentist chair. I was in the dentist chair almost 2 hours - mostly waiting - so when I dozed - the flood came again but in a dream ... ... ... ...

When it comes to dealing with my brother, this verse comes to mind -

Hebrews 11:7 - "By faith Noah, when warned about things not yet seen, in holy fear built an ark to save his family. By his faith he condemned the world and became heir of the righteousness that comes by faith." ... ... ... My problem is that I cannot save my brother and my family was a mess! They would not get in the ark of "normality". Disfunctional to the core! My brother will not take meds and roams around the country. So will I be condemmed to dream of floods forever? Do I sound like a silly sheep? Probably. I will try to work on the overwhelming feelings, emotional issues, etc. in therapy, also continueing to pray and study the word. In the mean time, I try to fill my mind with helping others, doing what I can do, and music:

Lord, thank you for saving me over and over again from the flood. I cannot survive life's overwhelming sorrows, confusion, and pain without your love and forgiveness. You are my savior, my captain, my life. Forgive me when I do not trust you. In the name of my savior I pray, Amen.